


Gradations

by Juulna



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Family Drama, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Seriously they have issues to work out, Slow Burn, There will be some action and adventure I promise, Unresolved Sexual Tension, balance of the force, stormpilot on the side
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-10-23 23:16:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 36,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10729320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juulna/pseuds/Juulna
Summary: Kylo Ren is seen as unfit by Snoke and left for dead as an example to anyone who finds his body. This is his story.---or---In a world where the paths of the Jedi and the Sith are really the only options, Kylo Ren and Rey do not seem to fit. A story of prophecy, adventure, drama, politics, and war. This will be primarily a Reylo fic, but it will be slow burn. Sorry :P [Disclaimed.][This work has been placed on indefinite hiatus.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **This fic is gifted to Perry_Downing because this was how we met, through her reviews of this fic, and it began an amazing journey of friendship and love and support. Love you, lady.**
> 
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> *_*_*
> 
> I am reposting this fic after I was hacked and my fics deleted back in January 2017. Sorry it took me so long to come back! I needed to heal. The first chapter of this was originally posted on January 3rd, 2016.
> 
> Oh gosh. Please keep in mind this was my first long fic that I ever started to write, and my second SW fic... the first being a oneshot. So... those things are all vastly different!
> 
> Since I don't have a lot of time, I'm really not going back through these stories and editing them, so hopefully you understand if there are style, grammar, spelling, whatever else kind of errors there could possibly be! :P
> 
> Thoughts and comments (concrit welcome too) are always welcome. I don't abide with rudeness or flaming (against me and against others) in my comments sections if it ever happens, or on Tumblr, where you can find me [@juuls](https//juuls.tumblr.com).

All Kylo Ren could feel was pain. He couldn't feel anything besides his nerves burning, his muscles cramping, and the hole searing its way through his right side.

Scratch that; he was cognizant of a slight breeze wafting through his hair and rustling the leaves of the trees surrounding him. His fingers were unresponsive when he went to brush his hair out of his eyes, but even though he couldn't move he still felt a huge increase in the amount of pain flowing through his body. It was more than he'd ever felt before. More than his Sith training could prepare him for.

Still, he refused to cry out. Even though there was no one nearby.

All Kylo Ren could feel was pain… but he could remember everything.

* * *

 

Snoke called him into his audience room – the one that was in his physical presence. The tall man stood facing the window that showed a view of the base's grounds, covered in a mixture of ash and a hardy pink wildflower that grew from the rocky soil that was prominent on this continent.

The Knight of Ren went to one knee in front of the dais, even though his master was not sitting upon the seat reserved for audiences. Ceremony must still be maintained, especially when the Knight had no previous knowledge as to the nature of the audience.

Kylo Ren could sense another presence just to the side of the door he had entered through a moment ago, but kept his attention focused on the floor before him. His mask remained fastened upon his head, but he could still hear the footsteps of the third person as they approached him from behind. That did not sit well with his instincts, but he was used to Snoke's power plays by now. If he said or did anything, if he moved an inch before being acknowledged, he would be punished.

"Take off your mask, First Knight," Snoke's voice was closer but he had obviously circled around behind Kylo Ren from where he had originally been stationed at the window.

He did not hesitate to do as ordered by his master, even though the Force was buzzing oddly in the background of his mind. His mask clicked and hissed upon its unlatching, and he slowly drew it off. He placed it on the ground as he gave his head a tiny shake to get an errant hair out from in front of his eye.

It had been over a year since the events that took place on Starkiller base. His wounds had healed, and his wounded pride had morphed into rage. It was not easy accepting defeat at the hands of an untrained girl.

Kylo Ren could hear more clearly now as his master bridged the gap between them. He did not touch his apprentice, though the younger man was fully aware of the Sith Lord standing over his kneeling form.

"Kylo Ren," the Supreme Leader addressed his pupil once more. "You have disappointed me."

The apprentice kept his head bowed towards the floor. "Yes, master."

Snoke continued. "You have failed me."

"Yes, master," Kylo Ren's voice remained strong though compliant.

"I have kept myself attuned to your mind and thoughts these last months, First Knight." Snoke's voice was taking on a harder edge. Kylo Ren held his breath for a moment before releasing it and breathing normally again. "Your thoughts have been decidedly… too Light for my tastes. I have tried to train you. I thought that the murder of your father at your own hand would help cast you once and for all into the Dark. But I was wrong. I thought that your admiration of your grandfather would be enough for you. I thought that my acceptance of you, unlike your family's, would be enough for you. But I was wrong. And after having you be defeated by a girl barely wet behind the ears, that was almost too much. But I bided my time. I waited to see if you would conform; if you would truly accept the ways of the Sith.

"But you… you do not fit in anywhere. You are no one. You are inadequate. You have no worth to me anymore.

Kylo Ren was barely able to make a half turn where he kneeled before he was held in place by the Force, wielded by an unknown user. His master's voice was filled with pride when he spoke next. "Allow me to introduce you to my new apprentice, Ta'Veq. Kylo Ren, I strip you of your title of Knight of Ren. I strip you of your position as my apprentice. I cast you out, to survive only if you are strong enough. Your death will hopefully be a long one; one that will bring much pain and suffering – to you, and to those whom I will leave to find you. Your usefulness is at an end. Let this be your last act in this world."

Kylo's eyes widened and he struggled against his bonds with the Force. The new apprentice was not nearly as strong, but was being backed by his former master.

This was it. Somehow he'd known this day would come.

Kylo caught a glimpse of the new apprentice – a Turasin male – before there was nothing else.

Nothing else but pain.

* * *

Across the galaxy, Rey shifted uncomfortably on her cot. She didn't know what had woken her, but her entire body thrummed with the Force unlike ever before. It disappeared before she decided to wake her master, and soon enough sleep pulled her under once more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, this was my first longfic that I'd ever started, way back when, and that this is a repost!

A small group of Resistance scouts watched from an asteroid belt as a First Order ship left the atmosphere of a planet in the system they'd been tasked with gathering intelligence on. They had darted into the field of metallic grey rocks at the first ping of the ship on their radar, especially since the system was mostly uninhabited. Their base was a couple of systems towards the Middle Rim, and wouldn't be able to provide immediate backup if they were caught by the First Order out here.

The scout team's leader maintained the communications silence he'd ordered for another few minutes, ensuring the enemy ship was beyond picking up their short-range signals before he spoke into the comm. He was long past the age of retirement and had only gotten this far by being cautious.

"Scout leader to scout team… let's go check out what all the fuss was about. Maintain minimal use of engines and coast as best you can until we determine what's going on down there. Scout two and four, maintain orbit to cover our backs."

They had already scouted the planet, but he and the other pilot went opposite directions once entering the atmosphere so as to check for anything that had changed. The lush forest of this world spread out below the lead pilot's ship, and he switched his attention between observing the landscape through his own eyes, and checking the read-outs from his thermographic scans. He didn't need his eyes to fly the ship, anyway.

A large mass popped up on the thermographic scan as he flew over it, and he did a double-take. There shouldn't be any masses that large throwing off heat on this continent – there weren't any mammals of that size on this side of the planet. He quickly contacted the other scout and chose a place to land while he waited for his backup to arrive.

As soon as she landed, he gestured in the direction that his scanner was indicating they had to go. "Thermal signature picked up that way. It wasn't there before."

She nodded, un-holstered her blaster pistol, and followed him.

As soon as they came across the bundle of black cloth lying on the ground, face up, the old scout leader knew they had a problem. He turned wide-eyed to his partner, who was looking at the man on the ground in curiosity – but not in recognition.

"Contact General Organa. Tell her – yes, I said tell her, not ask – that she needs to meet us at the Karazak system's medical base." He fell cautiously to his knees beside the man, and was rewarded with a shallow pulse beneath his fingertips. He was old enough to know exactly who this was, even if his partner didn't. And he didn't plan on enlightening her beyond what she absolutely needed to know. It wasn't for his partner's sake, but for Leia Organa.

"Tell her we have Kylo Ren."

* * *

Leia arrived two days after she received the message about the capture of Kylo Ren. It didn't say much beyond him being grievously injured, though stable, and kept in a secure cell at the medical base. She'd dropped everything upon the news of her son's capture, and had snapped at her council when they questioned her leaving in the middle of a session.

"If you don't like it, then get on the damn ship with me and we'll continue this there!" Her normally-calm demeanor was being shunted aside in favor of fear. Fear of her son dying, fear of him and his power, fear of facing him for the first time in over a decade, fear of facing her partner's murderer… It was nearly enough to overwhelm her, but she'd had plenty of practice in recent years with internalizing fear and anguish. Using some of the meditative techniques Luke had showed her years earlier helped some as well.

She had to be strong. Strong for the people who relied on her.

And… that included her son, no matter what had happened. He was still her son – even if that facet of him was deep, _deep_ down inside of him.

When reflecting on her trip later, she had no idea what went through her mind during the entire trip to the Karazak system. She was numb. She went through the motions with the few council members and generals who had accompanied her, and again, had no idea what had been decided.

Leia finally found herself standing before a large screen with a video feed streaming onto it. She had no recollection at all of how she'd found herself in this room, but the fleeting thought disappeared as soon as she laid eyes on the man in the video.

He was strapped down in a medical pod, bare except for a pair of loose grey pants. A good portion of his midriff was wrapped in medical bandages, and Leia found her eyes clenching shut at the sight of the blood seeping through them. Bringing her eyes upward, she studied his face intensely. It had been years since she'd seen the face of her son. The First Order kept a tight lid on their identities, and most of their adherents reveled in obscurity even further by wearing masks or helmets, whether ordered to or not.

She hadn't seen his face since he was fourteen, on his last visit home, finally growing into the lankiness that he had been cursed with since a young age. He had just started filling out physically, but mentally… who knew they could all be so wrong about him? Looking back, Leia told herself that there had been plenty of warning signs, but she hadn't picked up on them. She blamed herself for that. She blamed herself for being a terrible mother; for not being there for him when he'd obviously needed her the most. There had been so much of her own struggles in him, that she should have seen them...

"General Organa," a voice was saying behind and to the right of her. It pulled her out of her fugue, at least momentarily, and she was able to pull herself together before turning around and getting down to some decision-making.

She turned and caught the eyes of Major Ematt. He kept his face devoid of expression but his eyes held a touch of tenderness for what Leia was obviously going through. He was one of the few here who knew that Kylo Ren was formerly known as Ben Solo. He kept his silence on the topic, and for that Leia was grateful. They would need to know sometime… but not yet.

She winced as she heard the words "execute him" coming from her councilors huddled in one corner of the room. Turning back to face the video feed of her son, she called for one of the base's leaders.

"Contact Master Luke. Tell him about our situation, and that I request his presence as soon as he is able. But make sure he knows how important this is."

"Yes sir," he complied as he saluted her then walked out of the room.

Leia took another glance at her son's beaten body before turning her back on the screen. She cued her councilors to follow her back to the conference room. They had work to do, and she was sure that they would have plenty of words for her that she'd just have to make herself prepared for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I haven't really plugged my previous fics as a whole since I got hacked - since returning from that - I will do so now!
> 
> [I'd start a war for you](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10588686/chapters/23404587) \- Reylo baby fic, with flashbacks and spy!Kylo  
> [If only we could change fate](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10471080) \- Finnreylo soulmate - VERY dark.  
> [Delicious Ambiguity](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10534218/chapters/23257959) \- Reylo Force-baby fic. Complete.  
> [Codega](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10470729/chapters/23104614) \- Reylux epic length saga exploring the grey in-between of the Force and war itself. Rey willingly goes to the First Order after losing faith in Leia and Luke.  
> [Mitzvah](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10610625/chapters/23463033) \- Reylo arranged marriage in-verse canon fic.  
> [Shadowed](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10481433) \- oneshot, post-war, Rey wants kids but Kylo is scared.  
> [Behind Closed Doors](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10501896/chapters/23170731) \- Star Wars drabble/ficlet collection.  
> [Captive Soul](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10659897) \- Reylux soulmate  
> [Mesmerizing](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10676160) \- Reylux 6 years later  
> [Be my guide](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10691457) \- Reylux ficlet  
> [Paths](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10501833) \- oneshot for Rogue One - Mon Mothma and Krennic  
>   
> Aaaaaaaand an upcoming dark!Rey x Hux (Reyux) short fic. So excited for that one!


	3. Chapter 3

Rey had no idea what had Master Luke in such a state; he wouldn't tell her anything and was guarding his thoughts from her more tightly than she'd ever seen him do. Not that she'd tried to pry her way into his mind – it was just really hard to miss the fortified barriers that were following his presence everywhere.

Earlier that day they'd received an encrypted message from a Resistance base, notifying Luke that his presence was requested immediately by General Organa. They'd received many such messages before, and each time Luke had ignored them, muttering something about being 'no one's lapdog' and 'this is why I exiled myself, damn it'.

But this time had been different.

A look of shock had flashed across Luke's face, quickly followed by one of crestfallen sadness, then a brief flare of hope before he composed his features, wiping the emotions off of his face entirely in that frustrating Jedi manner. He had ordered Rey to prepare his old starship, making sure it would be ready to fly within four hours, and she had scurried off to do just that.

Now here they were, cruising at hyper speed, and Rey was none the wiser on why or where they were going.

Propping her feet up on the table bolted to the floor, she adjusted her padawan robes around her until she was comfortable, and let her mind drift over the events of the last year.

* * *

Two weeks into her training with Luke Skywalker, Rey threw down her quarterstaff in frustration. She flopped onto the ground, glaring at the man in front of her, and wiping rivulets of sweat off of her brow. They had been working drills all morning, this time with her staff rather than their lightsabers. Master Luke said it was good for her to maintain abilities in _all_ martial forms and weapons. Especially with the rise of the First Order, it was important to accelerate her learning, and she had been training almost non-stop from sunrise to sunset.

But she couldn't hold in her frustration anymore. She had to ask.

"Am I your daughter?" she finally blurted out.

Luke raised his eyebrow at her, and sat down cross-legged opposite from her on the ground. He arranged his over-robe around him and adjusted his hood behind his shoulders before replying simply: "No."

Rey waited for him to say more, but he didn't. "Just no? You know who my parents are though, don't you?"

Luke leveled a serious look at her. "It is not my story to tell. But no, you are not related to me. You will find out more in time, Rey. Have patience."

Rey felt a surge of anger that she quickly tried to suppress. She struggled with it for a moment, and felt the anger morph into frustration and even a small bit of what felt like… betrayal.

Pushing it aside, used to dealing with not being able to trust anyone fully, she clambered to her feet and pulled out her lightsaber. "Can you show me that tricky bit from the second form again, Master?"

Luke chose to ignore the bitterness in her tone; she just knew he did.

* * *

Rey snapped at Luke for the first time only three weeks in. She was chafing at living in close quarters with another person after all of her years on Jakku, alone. She didn't know how to handle other people in her living quarters, around her almost every single hour of the day, awake or asleep.

Worst of all was when he ordered her to do seemingly inane tasks. That day he'd ordered her to fetch water for them both, and she was too sore from weapons training to put up with that. She was fiercely independent and he needed to understand that.

"Get it yourself!" she growled at him, rubbing her cramped feet with both hands and glaring up at him from her seat on her cot. She felt anger and frustration swirl around her mind, and fought to gain control of it. She was trying so hard to conform to the Jedi teachings on emotional transcendence, but it was a struggle.

She flinched back when Luke crouched in front of her, taking her dirty hands between his equally dirty hands. "I understand this is hard for you, young one, but I promise that every seemingly ridiculous command I give you has some greater purpose to it. Please do as I ask. It is nothing that was not asked of me or your predecessors, be assured of that. We will get along better if you follow my instructions."

He dropped his hands and stepped back as Rey quickly leaped to her feet. She was out the door of the complex before Luke could say anything else.

She was sure he could hear her muttering about 'stupid Jedi greater purposes' and where he could put them, yet he said nothing. Oddly, she was upset at not getting a rise out of him for that.

"Rey, you need to let go of it all. You need to find inner peace and that means letting your emotions go – especially your bitterness." Luke's voice intruded on her thoughts as she attempted to meditate. Attempt was the key word.

* * *

Two months into her training and she was still only rarely able to achieve meditative peace while sitting. Her skill at gaining what Luke termed 'battle trance', a form of meditation during fighting, was prodigal though… but Luke wanted her to be good at both.

She cracked one eye open to look up at him. "Why must I let go of emotions, Master?" Before he could even open his mouth to reply, she continued. "There are plenty of emotions that seem particularly useful and _good_. Why would the Jedi want to lose part of their humanity? Is there really a higher purpose by becoming less emotional, less human? I spent most of my life without good emotions and I recognize the importance of them now… I don't want to let some of them go, Master Luke." Her voice practically broke at the end.

Luke was silent for a moment before replying. "There is some use for emotion, yes… but the path of a Jedi is to harmonize with the Force. We must transcend being human, and become… _more._ The Sith, on the other hand, take their emotions and rule with them. They become them, and as a result often do not think of the grander scheme of the universe. They are blinded by their passions, and soon find themselves ruled by their emotions, not _them_ ruling their emotions. It is not a bad thing, dear Rey, to let go of emotion. Remember the Jedi Code: ' _There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force.'_ "

She clenched her eyes shut and turned inwards once more. She did not reply to him. He chose to let the subject go for the moment, and turned back to his own meditation.

She found no peace that day, or any of the days that followed.

* * *

During her fifth month training under Master Luke's tutelage, he and Rey were practicing their dueling skills with their lightsabers. She had come a long way since her first duel with the blade, when she had faced Kylo Ren with it. She was no slouch back then, no… but now she was something more; something fiercer.

Her mind followed that train of thought, diverting part of its focus from the battle and away to pondering the man behind the mask. What drove him? What powered him? What caused him to break from his family? The rage, fear, and pain she'd felt in him when in that interrogation room, and later in the snows of Starkiller Base, had nearly overwhelmed her when they rolled off of him in all-consuming waves.

His emotions had been palpable, and it had taken what she now knew as a battle trance state-of-mind for her to overcome them.

Yet the memories of those emotions remained with her, and she couldn't help pondering their intensity and history.

She knew very little of his story. However, she knew enough that she was able to start piecing in some of her own feelings about being abandoned on Jakku, and found herself understanding – though not condoning – how he had become what he was now. Coupled with the emotions she had caught a glimpse at, it spoke of a great pain and rage at the heart of his betrayal.

" _Rey!_ " Luke's voice snapped her out of her thoughts, and her eyes widened when she found herself kneeling on his arms, pinning him to the ground. The look of fear in his eyes was astonishing and she trembled as she took in the position of her lightsaber held above her head, primed for a downward stroke. Luke had been disarmed. She could feel the rage dissipating from her mind; the rage she had obviously let take over her.

She gasped as she jumped off of him, throwing her lightsaber to the grass beside Luke. A sob wrenched from her throat as she spun and ran up the mountain path, away from her downed Master.

* * *

"Master Luke?" Rey started her question tentatively, unsure of how he'd react. It was their seventh month on the planet, and she'd had very minimal contact with anyone other than her Master. Her question was weighing heavily on her mind, however, and she didn't want to wait until the next visit to D'Qar to ask someone else.

"Yes, Rey?" He opened one eye from where he was dozing on the rug in front of their fireplace.

She struggled with how to frame her question for a moment. "Can Jedi Knights have children?"

Luke sat up, fully awake now. He was silent, chewing his lip as he thought. The expressions on his face were bordering on pained and troubled. Finally he replied. "They… can. There have been times when the Jedi Order has maintained chastity as a tenet, and times that it hasn't. Recently there has been no proscription against marriage or children. But…" He sighed, and Rey could sense a lot of emotion behind his next words. "Partners, and children, bring with them a lot of distractions. There is no easy way to balance the Order and family for a Jedi. No matter how much you might love them and mean well by it, they become a distraction. They become an attachment. It's up to each Jedi to make that decision for themselves but I… right now I would advise against it." He looked her in the eye. "Is there a reason you ask, Rey?"

Rey averted her eyes as soon as he looked at her. "No reason, Master." She felt her hope, for a family of her own one day, growing weaker.

Luke didn't stop her as she went outside to stargaze, just like she did on Jakku over a year ago.

* * *

After returning from D'Qar where she attended a meeting with Leia, Rey burst into their living complex and startled Master Luke where he was meditating. It wasn't often that she got to do that, so she was momentarily distracted and let out a soft huff of laughter, her eyes shining. Luke returned her grin with a soft smile of his own, and motioned for her to join him.

After a few minutes of meditating, Rey was reminded of the question she'd been holding in the whole trip home, and spit it out without even thinking of the results of the topic. "Do you think Ben can be turned from the Dark side?" She looked at him expectantly, not even feigning meditation anymore.

Luke's mouth twisted sourly as he rolled his tongue in his mouth, thinking. Finally, he answered curtly. "No."

Rey was shocked. "Well, why not?"

"Rey, I don't want to hear any more about him," he replied churlishly.

"But everyone deserves compassion, yes? Everyone deserves a second chance-" She was cut off by the intensity of Luke's glare. She'd never seen him so angry before. Angry at Ben; angry at himself.

She stood up abruptly and ran to the door, letting her anger at Luke flare into her eyes. The intensity of her emotions caused loose strands of her hair to stand on end with the power of the Force flowing through her. She didn't even notice the fear in Luke's eyes until she thought on the scene later; she was too busy screaming at him. "You arrogant, hypocritical, ass! The Jedi are so busy looking for the good in anyone they can get their hands on, yet turn their nose up time and time again at those who _truly_ need it! You won't even try! I don't care if he can never be turned – if it's a fool's errand! But the fact that you won't try makes you a _hypocrite_."

With that she slammed the door behind her. Luke didn't see her again for three days.

* * *

**_Present day…_ **

Luke leaned on the door frame to the mess hall, observing his student. She'd finally fallen asleep a few minutes ago, and didn't even wake up at the sound of his footsteps clomping on the grating of his ship.

Her thoughts and emotions had been roiling off of her in waves since they started their journey, more than he'd felt them before. The tenor of said thoughts and emotions, and the ones she'd been broadcasting for months now, were troublesome. They weren't quite… malicious. No, they weren't that bad. But they were troubled and fraught with passion and anger. In time they could be tamed, but it would take some work. He wasn't sure if they would be able to succeed, with her being so old when she came to him for training. But it was worth trying.

What he was more concerned with was the corner of her mind that he'd found months ago during a mental exercise. He wouldn't have noticed it, but he was especially familiar with the signature of Ben Solo's connection with the Force. There was a force bond lodged in the depths of Rey's mind, and he wasn't sure even she was aware it was there. He remembered her telling him about her encounter in the interrogation chamber, and to this day he felt that their mental attacks on one another had forged an unwitting link between the two of them.

Ever since discovering this link in her mind, he kept himself guarded around her. Sure, she might not know that there was a force bond in her mind, but Ben… he could know. He might be whispering to her every day, unknown to her. Perhaps this was why her emotions had been such a wreck for months now. Perhaps it had something to do with this connection.

He wasn't ready to give up on the girl yet, though. Her skill in their battle exercises was formidable, both in staves and in swordplay, and her brute strength with the Force was astounding. He'd only ever seen more from his grandfather and from… Ben.

She had much to learn about control, though, and hopefully this trip to see the man Ben Solo had become… Kylo Ren… would help to sort out how much of Rey was really her, and how much was the Dark influence of his nephew.

He'd just have to wait and see.


	4. Chapter 4

Kylo Ren desperately tried to wake himself up. He was aware that he was asleep, stuck in nightmare after nightmare, but he couldn't seem to shake them. Through the clarity that only the worst nightmares could bring, he relived, time and time again, the moment that Snoke's new apprentice drove his lightsaber through his flesh. The pain and terror from him… Snoke's utter satisfaction and horrifying glee… the sadistic gleam in Ta'Veq's eye as he was barely held back by Snoke from finishing Kylo Ren then and there. All of this played in his mind as he was pulled into blissful darkness once more.

* * *

Finally, Kylo Ren opened his eyes and he knew he was awake. He could tell because the pain was too real to be a dream, and the crisp rush of conditioned air made his skin break out in gooseflesh. He shivered before he could stop himself, staring blankly at the concrete ceiling above him.

"So you're awake finally." A voice came from the side of the room that was past his feet where he lay on what felt like a cot. It was a voice that he'd never thought he'd hear again; a voice that horrified him. His eyes widened reflexively before he clenched them shut as tightly as he could, though the rest of his body stayed as still as he could make it.

He heard footsteps approach him, angling around to his left side. Even after all these years, there was no mistaking the rhythm of his mother's walk. "I know you're awake, Ben. Or… do you prefer Kylo Ren these days?"

He remained quiet and still, eyes now open and staring at the ceiling once more. He could just imagine Leia Organa's lips twisting in bitterness around the syllables of his name.

A thread of anger coiled deep in his gut at the thought of her distaste at his new name. She was part of what had made him the man he was today. How dare she treat –

His thoughts were cut off by her stern, yet sad voice. "I can feel you reaching for the Force through your anger… Kylo Ren. I would advise you against it." She'd settled into place near his head, though far enough away that he was only able to catch glimpses of her greying brown hair through his peripheral vision. He refused to turn and look at her. "You've been implanted with a medical chip that will immediately release a strong tranquilizer into your system if the order is given, or if you attempt to remove it. A failsafe, if you will. No one wants to kill you, but the doctors thought it would be prudent to maintain control over a… evil Force-user, I think was what they called you."

She was taunting him, he knew that. He hadn't seen his mother in nearly twenty years, yet he still knew that tone of voice. She'd used it on his father often enough during his childhood for it to become ingrained in his subconscious, even if this time she was being much more unforgiving with her taunts.

He heard her let out a long sigh. Her voice was weary when she finally spoke again. "Well, your wounds have been healed as best as the doctors could manage. It was touch-and-go for a while there, but you're on the up-and-up now. Five days in a coma will do that, I imagine. Rest for now, and when you wake tomorrow, we'll talk."

The sound of her footsteps moved slowly towards what he imagined was the cell door. Meanwhile, his mind was spinning as he was reminded of what had injured him in the first place. Being cast out of the First Order… losing his place among the Knights of Ren… everything he stood for, everything that he'd given up his life for, his identity, his hopes and dreams and aspirations… all gone. He was abandoned once more.

"Kill me," he rasped out, throat parched.

His mother's footsteps had paused, though he hadn't heard the door open yet. She was silent.

"Kill me now," anger swept into his voice, and he could feel the Force gathering around him.

"No." Leia's voice held the countless emotions of a woman who had lost the love of her life, and wanted the man responsible to suffer for it. She knew what he wanted, and yet denied him.

He could understand that.

His rage vanished as if it was winked out, and he was drawn into a medicated sleep almost instantaneously. He didn't even hear the door close.

Nor did he hear the sobs that wracked Leia's body as she collapsed on the other side of the door. She gave into the depths of her emotions, releasing all of her pent-up grief into the empty corridor. It only lasted a short minute before she had to wrap her grief deep inside of her again. She put on her cloak of command and grace, wiped the tears from her eyes, squared her shoulders, and strode back into the main hallways.

* * *

The next time he woke, he sensed her presence almost immediately. This time, he turned his head to look before he could stop himself. She was seated in a metal chair bolted to the concrete floor on the other side of the room. Her fingers were gripping the arm rails tightly, and her foot was tapping a nonsensical rhythm on the ground. He found his eyes being drawn up to her face, where her eyes bore into his own once their gazes connected. He couldn't look away, and the thought briefly crossed his mind that his mother had been practicing.

He stared at her until he noticed his breaths coming quicker, and he took a moment to try to slow them. She was affecting him too much. She was bringing back memories that he had only ever used to incite anger in his quest for power in the Force, and he realized that he couldn't use those emotions right now. If she wasn't going to kill him, or release him, then he'd have to bide his time to see what they – what _she_ – wanted with him. It must make them giddy, having the First Knight of Ren under their power. 'Or who they assumed was still the First…' he thought bitterly to himself.

Finally, Leia blinked and Kylo was able to move his eyes away once again. He shut them tightly, trying to blink away the dryness that had settled in them. He still kept his head turned towards her, however, and was able to notice her glance at what was likely a security camera placed in the corner of the ceiling.

"Leave us," she ordered towards the camera.

"Are you sure, General?" A tinny voice was heard over the room's intercom.

"Yes," she stated decisively. "I can control him from here."

Kylo Ren raised his eyebrows in disbelief as he angled himself up on the cot. He was slightly out of breath from the cramping in his side, but he opened himself up to the pain of the healing wound and purposefully didn't adjust his position to make it hurt less.

"Don't even try it." Leia's voice was stern and unyielding. "I will not hesitate in knocking you out."

He raised his hands in a mock gesture of supplication, but his eyes were anything but mocking. He lowered them until he was looking at her from under a fringe of black hair, and hatred radiated from his expression. Leia didn't back down, though.

"You murdered your father." Ah, now he understood why she didn't want anyone to observe their conversation.

"Still ashamed to have anyone more than necessary realize the great and terrible Kylo Ren is your son?" he sneered at her.

"Don't change the subject!" she snapped, her eyes flashing with barely-concealed rage and desolation. "You. Killed. Your. Father."

He lifted his head to stare at her fully, his sneer still in place on his face. "I did," he replied simply and aloofly.

"Why?"

He was silent a moment before he responded. "I was ordered to do it, if the opportunity ever presented itself. Poor father; he made it too easy. Walked right up to me, heart on his sleeve, begging me to come home. Begging _Ben_ to come home. He didn't realize his son no longer exists. I am _Kylo Ren._ And he was too stupid to realize how futile his plan was. Just another of his harebrained schemes. And this time he _died_. His luck ran out."

Leia's jaw clenched and her hands tightened into fists over the chair's arms. For a moment, he thought she would lash out at him. In fact, he _wanted_ her to lash out. He wanted to feel her rage directed at him; feel the agony she was going through. It was what she deserved.

His smirk was wiped off of his face with her next words. He hadn't even seen the emotions drain out of her face until a look of curiosity settled over her features, and her hands loosened their grip. "That's not it… not entirely. It didn't work, did it?"

He remained silent, though he kept his face up and continued to stare at her. There was no expression on his face anymore.

"You tried to sever your ties to the Light by murdering your father," she stated simply, as if it were the clearest thing in the world to her. "But it failed. It didn't work. What you wanted so greatly, to accept and be accepted by the Dark side, by your Master, to prove your worth, to make it all worthwhile… you failed. You still feel the pull of the Light," she finished smugly, though still sadly.

Kylo Ren slowly got to his feet, drawing himself up to his full height and towering over the one who called herself his mother. It didn't matter that he was in a pair of loose grey pants and little else besides bandages: he exuded power. Leia's throat convulsed and the tiniest flash of fear crossed behind her eyes before she was able to hold herself stiffly, chin up to stare him straight in the eyes.

There was nothing that Kylo Ren hated worse than being confronted with his failures. Especially from this woman who claimed the title of mother. His voice shook with rage as he glared down at her and spoke. "Get out," he gritted out through his teeth.

"No," she hardened her jaw right back at him, trying to stare him down. "You feel it still, don't you? The pull of the Light. You're not completely lost to us, lost to me, are you?" She suddenly paused, a thoughtful expression appearing on her face. "That's why you ended up here, injured, isn't it? You didn't cut it anymore. You _failed–_ "

He snarled, cutting her off from saying the rest of whatever ill-thought sentence had sprung to her mind. It was just a noise, but its intensity brought her up short.

"Unless you want me to test how killing you will aid in my acceptance to the Dark side, you will _get out_ ," he snapped. "I bet it would work mighty well. You were always the better parent, in the end. Too bad you weren't good enough, though."

Leia barely made it out of the cell at a brisk walk, locking the door behind her, before she heard the sounds of metal bolts being pulled out of the concrete floor. Her eyes widened and her breaths came in gasps as she heard the utter despair and rage being funneled through her son's screams. No… through _Kylo Ren's_ screams.

* * *

She'd stopped first by the security room to let the two technicians know that they could resume their posts, though she gave them orders to let the patient throw his fit without being tranquilized. Unless he tried to escape, he was to be left alone, damage to his healing wound be damned for the moment. Her brother Luke and Rey had arrived at the base by the time Leia made her way out to the main entrance for some much-needed fresh air.

When Leia turned to greet Rey after flying into her brother's arms for the first time in years, she froze. There was a look of confusion and… anguish… overwhelming the young woman's features. She stood stock-still, facing the medical complex. Her hand had fallen to her lightsaber handle, where it was being gripped dangerously tight.

"Rey?" Luke ventured.

" _What?_ " she snarled, twirling towards Luke and Leia, her lightsaber hilt now in her hand, though inactive.

Luke and Leia simply stared.

Finally, Rey blinked long and slow, and then realized that she was brandishing her lightsaber at the two older adults. Her expression cleared up of the rage, though the confusion still remained. She lowered her hand to her side and asked in a whisper: "What is this… anger I'm feeling, Master Luke?"

Luke cast out his senses with the Force, encountering a ball of fury and pain that could only be Ben Solo. He'd recognize that Force signature anywhere.

Luke refused to explain the connection to his pupil at that moment, if ever, preferring to leave her in the dark on this topic to reduce the allure and temptation of the connection. Better she never know.

"I believe that's why we're here, padawan," he replied calmly. He did not elaborate any further.

He chose to ignore the look of fascination that crossed her face as she obviously focused in on the feelings once more. Instead, he ushered Leia towards the base with a hand on her elbow, hoping that Rey would get the hint to follow.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this was originally going to be a much longer chapter, but I decided to break it off at a natural cut-off. Would like to hear your thoughts, as always!

Kylo Ren's eyes snapped open as the door to his cell slid open with a hiss. He knew instantly who was entering his cell, recognizing the Force signature of his uncle without even needing to see the man's face.

He remained on his back, where he'd collapsed in exhaustion after his fit of rage earlier in the day. He doubted much more than an hour had passed since he'd closed his eyes, though. Hopefully he could ignore his uncle until he went away.

"So, the prodigal son has returned." Luke's voice carried tiredness to it that Kylo had never heard while he was younger.

The door hissed shut behind him and the sound of his footsteps moved closer towards where Kylo lay on the floor, tucked against the concrete wall. Luke tut-tutted as he moved through the wreckage in the room, shoving aside some of the scraps of metal with the Force so that he could walk a clear path through it all.

Kylo briefly considered lashing out with the junk lying around the room, striking at the intruder before he could be tranquilized… but he was too curious to see what the man would say and do. He'd save that as an option for later, perhaps.

Luke stopped, just out of arm's reach, near his head. He stared down at his nephew, noting that his eyes were open though staring straight up at the ceiling. He remained silent.

"Nothing to say to me, huh, Ben?" At the mention of his given name, he noticed the younger man's jaw clench. He decided to prod further. "You would think there would be plenty to say to me after what you did to me when we last saw each other. How you betrayed me and your compatriots."

Kylo slowly sat up during Luke's fit of pique, angling himself so he was leaning against the wall, arm dangling over his propped-up knee. He stared up at his uncle, though somehow he still looked in control of the room. He took a deep breath in, released it, and then smirked. "Hello, Uncle Luke. How have you been?"

That drove Luke's already-frayed control right over the edge. Although he had never fully been able to rid himself of emotions, even when Kylo was a child, he seemed to have barely any control over them in this moment. "You _killed them_ , Ben. The students, the younglings… you almost killed _me_ , your own flesh and blood. How _dare_ you show your face again – do you even know what you're doing to your mother by being here!? How dare you do this to my sister!"

"You're letting your emotions get the better of you, _Jedi,_ " he remarked calmly, though his eyes were like flint.

Luke stood his ground even as he inhaled rather deeply. He was obviously trying to calm himself, even in the face of the onslaught of memories from that fateful day.

Kylo brought a hand up to his hair, threading his fingers through the strands as he pushed them away from his face. He continued to stare his uncle down.

The silence between them became palpable, with many different things left unsaid between them.

"Why did you do it? Why did you come, with your Knights of Ren, and lay waste to everything I believed in?" Luke finally spoke into the silence, his voice bitter and quiet.

"I don't need to explain myself to you," Kylo sneered at the older man. He placed his palm on the ground and pushed himself up until he was standing, facing the man who had been his Master. Standing, he was over half a head taller than the other man. The last time they had been face-to-face, Luke had been the taller of the two.

Obviously Luke's thoughts were mirroring Kylo Ren's, as he spoke again. "You were so young when we last spoke, Ben. You had so much potential. What did you give it all up for? Power? Knowledge? Revenge? Religion? What did we ever do to you to make you choose that path?" He trailed off, shaking his head in a dejected fashion.

Kylo clenched his fists and spat out his reply. "You have no idea, do you? What it was like living under your shadow? Under mother and father's shadows? I wasn't wanted. In fact, I was carted around like–" He cut himself off, pressing his lips together in a tight line. Yet his eyes continued to speak via the rage sparking within them.

"Like what?" Luke's voice retained its calmness, and this alone sparked a ball of fury deep in Kylo's gut that he could barely contain. He didn't reply, however. Luke, his mother… none of them would ever understand. They'd never understand what it was like to be passed around like an unwanted pet, given to his uncle to raise before he was ten. He couldn't relate to any of them, and they had no time for him. The only one who'd ever had time for him had been Snoke; he'd shown him the way… shown him the way to glory for his own sake, and not as a result of his parents.

Luke sighed and glanced briefly towards the doorway. "Well, I guess I better get on with it then. The Resistance leadership wishes to know why you're here, and what you know. We're getting nowhere the good old-fashioned way. Unless you'd prefer a more… traditional interrogator?" The threat rang hollow as a result of the dreariness in his tone, but Kylo wasn't distracted from the fact that he was about to be questioned; and he knew exactly how.

Kylo Ren scowled at this, and shored up the mental barricades within his mind. He may have been abandoned and left for dead by the First Order, but he wouldn't burn his bridges on his end if he could help it. Just in case, one day…

He stopped that train of thought before it could go anywhere else, instead focusing on blanking his mind of everything but his rage. He stoked it, fed it, and relished in it, using its power to strengthen his mind. He would need every bit he could get. He'd be damned if he'd let Luke Skywalker get anything from him.

Luke swept his way over to the door, opened it, and stuck his head out into the hall. "You and you. Fetch me a new chair, please. Oh and… let my padawan – yes, the young woman – know that she is to come straight away. She should be in the mess."

He returned to face inside the room, staring at Kylo Ren for a moment before rearranging the contents of the room that had been strewn all over. Seeing that there was very little he could do for it all, he shoved it towards the wall nearest the door. By the time he was done, there was a beep at the door, indicating the return of the guards. He opened the door, pulled the chair just to the inside of the door, moved the pile of scrap metal into the hallway with the Force, and then addressed the guards. "That will be all, thank you. Please return to your posts after finding someone to remove this detritus. Rey, inside if you will."

' _The girl,_ _'_ was all Kylo could think before she stepped inside.


	6. Chapter 6

Rey entered the room slowly, knowing full-well what was awaiting her inside, yet still not prepared for the view that met her eyes.

Luke was setting the new chair in the middle of the cleared room and motioning to Kylo Ren to sit on it. But Kylo Ren wasn't looking at Luke; he was looking straight at her. His back was straight, his shoulders square, his bare chest smooth above the bandages wrapped around his midriff. Though his bare skin was unfamiliar to her, his eyes were anything but. The last time she'd seen his eyes, they had been fighting in the forest of Starkiller Base. They had been separated only by their lightsabers, but the red and blue flares reflected in his dark eyes hadn't been enough to distract her from the intensity of his gaze. She remembered it well – had even pictured it from memory on a regular basis – as he and she had stared at one another for what seemed like an eternity in the midst of battle. To this day, she still didn't know why he hadn't cut her down in that moment, especially when she had closed her eyes for interminable seconds to gather the then-elusive Force to her… for that matter, she didn't know why _she_ hadn't cut him down when he'd hesitated to push her in that moment.

"Rey!" Luke snapped at her. As her eyes regained focus and found her Master staring at her disappointedly, she realized that he must have been trying to gain her attention for a while at that point.

"Pardon, Master Luke," she murmured as she bowed her head slightly in his direction. Obeisance would never hurt when attempting to ingratiate herself to her surly Master. She'd had more practice with that as of late as he had become even worse in the last couple of months.

She waited patiently for Luke to let her know why she was here, in this room, with _him_. It had been a shock to see him, that was for sure. Luke had been quiet the entire way here as to the purpose of their trip. She shrugged internally. She supposed it had made sure she didn't work herself up over the coming meeting. Their last encounter hadn't been very… friendly.

Yet she didn't feel as much anger towards him as she thought she would. Oh yes, it was certainly there, but at the moment, distanced from the events by a year, she was experiencing more curiosity than anything else.

Luke motioned once more to Kylo Ren. "Ben, sit." He indicated the chair in the center of the room.

Rey stood in a relaxed stance close to the door and watched as Kylo Ren's eyes flashed at the command. For a moment she thought that he would balk at the order, but after that brief moment he stalked forward and settled himself into the too-small chair, his long hands curling over the ends of the arm rests.

Luke glanced once more at Rey as he moved to stand in front of Kylo Ren. "You are to observe and learn, padawan. Open your senses to the Force and feel what I do, much as I taught you before."

Rey nodded and settled back to observe.

* * *

As soon as the girl stepped inside of his cell, the entirety of his attention was focused on her. It seemed like only yesterday that they had crossed paths on Starkiller Base, clashing furiously in the snow. The pain of his wound had kept his focus so intense that he could remember every moment of that encounter. He could still picture her every movement, the way her hair had flown around her face, the flash of her eyes when he'd offered to teach her, and – he could remember this part especially well – the moment that serenity had crossed her face as she'd tapped into the Force and entered a battle trance. It had been impressive… and that was the only reason he'd been able to give himself for not cutting her down then and there. That… and the chance that she might one day change her mind about accepting his help. Her potential was captivating, and something even he could not bring himself to snuff out easily – he'd craved the thought of being her teacher. It was something he hadn't been able to stop thinking about – obviously, since Snoke had picked up on it.

As soon as Luke snapped her name and broke her stare, Kylo blinked. He hadn't even realized he'd been staring at her the entire time. Obviously she hadn't, either.

He almost growled when Luke ordered him to sit, calling him by his old name… but there was very little point in arguing the point. He could be practical at times; he was ending up in that chair at some point, and it may as well be with as much control on his end as he could hold onto.

His eyes flicked to where Rey stood by the door, quickly taking in her beige and brown padawan robes and the lightsaber at her waist. Her hair was pulled back into those three familiar buns, though they were much neater than the last time he'd seen her. In fact, he noticed a lot more about her than the last time they'd crossed paths. She was coming into herself, in more ways than one. He dragged his gaze away from her once more so that he could focus on his uncle and what he was about to do to him. He needed to be prepared.

Kylo Ren felt Luke nudge at the corners of his mind, subtle as he always had been at this sort of trick. Which wasn't saying much. The nudge quickly became a steady push, and he felt his former Master's voice in the forefront of his mind. 'Tell me why you're here, Ben.'

He remained stoic, calming his mind in a way particular to Sith teaching by focusing his roiling emotions into a flame and feeding them with each new thought and feeling that entered his mind. Erected around this flame were the walls of his inner mind, protecting his immediate thoughts and his darkest secrets alike.

'Tell me what I want to know, Ben,' came Luke's voice once more. Kylo Ren maintained his barriers, feeding his flame, and focusing on nothing but that. He did not reply or react to his uncle's mental prodding.

All of a sudden, Luke thrust against one of his mental walls. Kylo could see the older man's hand shaking as it thrust out towards where he sat in the metal chair at the center of the room. A hole appeared in his walls and Kylo reacted immediately by trying to reinforce the barricade. They struggled over that spot in his mind until they were both drenched in sweat. The pain was building, worse than the last time anyone had ever forced themselves into his mind.

" _Stop!_ "

Luke's presence snapped out of his mind and Kylo was left panting for air, his half-healed wound searing into his consciousness with every breath in. There was a ringing in his ears. He and Luke had been thrown from his mind by another presence in the Force. His eyes wide, he found his gaze tracking straight to where the girl – _Rey_ – was standing. She had moved forward a few steps until she was only an arm's length away from him and Luke. Both of her hands were spread out towards Kylo Ren and her eyes were frantic. She remained where she was, shoulders heaving up and down with the force of her breaths, sweat sheening across her brow.

Luke pulled himself up to his full height and barked at his student. "What is the meaning of this, padawan? You are supposed to observe and remain quiet while I conduct the lesson."

Her eyes darted towards Luke and she slowly lowered her hands until they were clenched into fists at her sides. "This isn't a lesson, it's _torture_ ," she accused angrily.

"Control yourself!" Luke snapped, completely missing the irony of his own emotional response. "He has information that we need. He is a prisoner of war. Would you rather I break out the antiquated thumbscrews?"

Rey was silent for a moment, visibly trying to calm herself, before lifting her chin and glaring at Luke with fresh vigor. "You are a hypocrite," she stated with conviction. "All those times you spoke about how Kylo Ren had broken into my mind without permission. I think 'rape' was the word you used, if I remember correctly. Now you're turning around and doing the exact same thing to him that he did to me. Honestly? I didn't have a problem with what he did to me. I recognized it as a necessary aspect of the war. Sure, go ahead and do it to him, but don't you _dare_ stand there and pretend that what he did to me was worse. In fact, he looks like he's hurting worse now than I _ever_ did when held captive."

With that, she spun on her heel, slammed her palm over the locking mechanism, and willed the door to open with the Force. Kylo felt the anger in the room dissipating slightly with her departure. He wasn't sure if it was his, Luke's, or Rey's, but someone had been extremely riled up. Judging by the look that Rey had had in her eyes just then… he was willing to bet that it had been her.

He stared after her, never breaking from where his gaze rested on the door, even as his uncle left the room with a swirl of his cloak. He stayed in his chair, locked in position, musing over the unexpected defense that the girl… no, _Rey_ … had put up for his sake.

It had been a long time since anyone had stood up for him, even in such a roundabout manner.

He closed his eyes finally, after what seemed like hours but could have been only minutes. He felt calmer than ever since waking up for the first time in this forsaken place.

He reached out with the Force and gloried in the shimmering edges of her anger that were quickly removing themselves from the room. He'd never felt anything this passionate from a Jedi, and the feel of it was quite alluring. He fell asleep, sitting in the chair, with a slight twist to his lips that might – just might – be taken for a small smile.


	7. Chapter 7

Rey had slowed down to a purposeful walk by the time she made it outside of the base's buildings. She crossed the base's runway quickly, cutting straight for the gate in the fence that led to the forest outside. The sight of the trees weren't enough to distract her from the thoughts swirling around in her mind, even though she still rarely saw them. Luke's island boasted only a couple of small bushes.

She wasn't sure where she was going, but she knew that she had to get away.

Stumbling through the gate, she let it bounce shut after her. Soon she was overwhelmed on all sides by trees and brush, though she hardly noticed. She didn't stop moving until she suddenly found herself in a clearing, and it was only then that she broke from her thoughts.

She pulled herself up, standing straight and looking around her at the forest. She took the sight in as she breathed deeply, trying to calm herself. It was moments like these that she wished she were any good at the meditation techniques that Master Luke had been trying in vain to teach her. She would rather sit and meditate, but she supposed she could take the time to practice her fighting forms and attempt to meditate that way. At least she could do that much.

Pulling out her lightsaber after she limbered up with some stretches, she settled into the most basic form, planning to work her way up from there. Her lightsaber made harsh buzzing sounds as it swiped through the air, and on most days she found them comforting. The sound would often assist her in finding a meditative state that Luke called a 'battle trance' or 'battle meditation', but today it was proving elusive.

By the time she reached the end of her fifth form, she was sweaty and relaxed in body, but her mind would not quiet down.

She couldn't stop thinking about Kylo Ren.

Giving up the possibility of meditation, she opened her mind to her inner turmoil as she continued to practice.

The man was an enigma; a frustrating enigma, at that. Everything about him screamed of some sort of conflict, even from the little she'd been in his physical presence. She'd heard plenty over the last year from overheard conversations on visits to the Resistance, but she was mature enough to take some of it with a grain of salt. Plus, much of it had been about the boy 'Ben Solo', and many of the speakers seemed to have no clue that he and Kylo Ren were the same. She'd kept her mouth shut on the topic out of respect for General Organa, and Finn had complied in a likewise manner. She was sure that Poe Dameron knew, but his near hero worship of Leia kept his mouth sealed just as effectively.

Rey wasn't sure why, but she was currently feeling rather protective of the man known as Kylo Ren. There was something about him and his experiences – the little she knew of them, at least – that spoke to her and her own life growing up. She had been abandoned and grew up alone; much the same as she imagined the then-younger Ben Solo felt abandoned and lonely.

She'd only had to look into his eyes during their fight to see how much pain he was in.

None of that excused the things he'd done, but… there was more to him than people were giving him credit for.

Her mind briefly flashed over the death of Han Solo, but she quickly veered her mind away from the topic. It would help no one, right now. Instead, she became entrenched in thinking about what Luke had been doing to Kylo Ren before she'd run off.

The anger suffusing her allowed her to slip into battle meditation without her even realizing it.

* * *

Kylo Ren's eyes snapped open and he lurched to his feet with the sudden flare of rage swirling around in his mind. It was the same feeling he'd felt earlier, probably not even thirty minutes ago, if the way his body felt was any indication.

He used the anger within him, even though he knew it wasn't his, and focused it. He felt powerful, and closed his eyes momentarily to relish the feeling. The strength was… captivating.

Curiosity awoken, his mind tracked down the thoughts in the back of his mind that were slowly rising. He knew that he was feeling Rey's emotions; he'd read enough in the Dark, arcane tomes at the Knights of Ren's archive to recognize what was going on in his mind. He'd always wanted to have an apprentice, and part of the reason was exactly this: a Force bond. The thought of it was exciting; no matter how the bond had occurred. But he did have a thought on how it could have occurred…

He recalled a specific passage that spoke of one Force user teaching another to hear the Force again after over a decade of not being able to hear it. The act of re-learning to hear and use the Force had caused a bond to form between the two without the years it would have otherwise taken. Perhaps, when he had attempted to enter her mind during the interrogation, she had felt the drive to emulate him and open herself to the Force, after so many years of obviously not knowing that she could even wield it.

But that was another topic for another time.

Slowly adjusting his meditation, he spread his feet to shore up his balance, and sunk towards the edge of the bond in the back of his consciousness. It was nestled behind his carefully fortified walls, and he had no idea how he had not noticed it before this. Perhaps it had been the tiniest of threads before they had entered each other's presence once more.

Suddenly, he could see through Rey's eyes in a mildly disorienting double vision. He could see her hands gripping the hilt of his grandfather's lightsaber, the blue light glowing strongly in the dimness of a forest clearing. She was practicing the first form, Shii-Cho, and was moving through the different aspects of the technique with a speed he wouldn't have expected from her.

Her mind was filled with emotions but she seemed to be focusing them, internalizing them, and using them to strengthen her movements.

Kylo was suddenly struck by a thought and decided to test another aspect of Force bonds that he had read. Moving his hands in front of him, mirroring Rey's position through the strange double vision, he strengthened his connection to Rey and slowly started to follow the phase of Shii-Cho that she was currently moving through. At the first opportunity, he morphed his movements into that of Juyo, the seventh form; one of his personal favorites.

He smirked as Rey's body followed his movements seamlessly. He was taking the form slightly slower than he normally would have, as he wished to take the time to monitor the woman on the other end of the connection.

She was mirroring every move he made, and he was sure she had never even learned the basics to the form. And yet, under Kylo's direction, she was moving effortlessly through some of the more advanced aspects of the vicious form.

Kylo Ren let his excitement briefly overwhelm him as he continued to move in his cell. He tried to stamp it out quickly, but it was too late. Rey had noticed something was wrong.

' _What are you doing!?'_ her inner voice practically screeched at him. She had stopped all of her movements, and her hands gripped the hilt of her lightsaber so hard that her knuckles were turning white. She held it in front of her eyes as if she could fend him off with it.

Kylo sat down in the chair once again, hands falling to his knees, his back straight. He chose honesty with her. If nothing else, he would always be honest. He hadn't lied to her before, and wouldn't start now. _'I decided to test a theory,'_ he replied mildly.

He could sense her marvel at the way his voice just seemed to appear in her mind. It was a truly unique experience; he could agree on that.

' _A theory?'_ She asked after a momentary pause. Her hands were starting to lower, thought the saber still blazed.

' _It seems we're Force-bonded.'_

Her shock came through the bond in a rush, quickly followed by a flash of curiosity, then… rage. He could sense her thoughts, clear as day, before she even spoke them. _'Force-bonded? What in the galaxy does that even mean? All I know is that you are intruding in my mind where I did not ask you to be, controlling my body, and… and… I stood up for you, and you return the favor this way!?'_

With that last, pointed remark, Rey gathered as much of her knowledge of mental barriers as she could, and slammed the connection shut.

He stood up from the chair, stretching his arms above his head, and let a sense of achievement float through him. His side twinged slightly and he looked down to see that his bandages were starting to seep through with fresh, crimson blood. But he didn't care.

Kylo Ren could have forced his way in again, but he decided to leave well enough alone. For the moment.


	8. Chapter 8

_Four days earlier…_

Supreme Leader Snoke stared down upon the heads of the six Knights of Ren kneeling in front of him. He was perched on the seat upon the central dais, leaning forward with his elbows on the arm rests. His new apprentice, clothed in black, stood slightly behind him and to his right, feet spread and hands clasped before him.

"I have been made aware that your former Master is still alive," Snoke finally announced. The six Knights made no sounds, having been made fully aware of the failures of their former First Knight, accepting every word that their Supreme Leader imparted to them.

"It is my command that you go to the Karazek system and track down Kylo Ren. It is imperative he be removed – killed. He has knowledge of our operations that we cannot trust him with keeping secret. The sooner you get this task done, the better. Take a squad of Stormtroopers and whichever weapons you wish from the armory, but travel quietly. They have bases within quick deployment of the region you are entering. I want you to succeed – not to be foolish. You are dismissed." Snoke lifted his hand and opened the door to the audience chamber with the Force.

The Knights did not need to be told twice. They lifted up as one and bowed deeply towards their leader before turning and exiting the chamber, fabric swirling around their bodies as they moved.

Once the chamber doors had shut behind them, Snoke turned his head slightly to take in his apprentice beside him. "Ta'Veq, you have something to say?"

The Turasin bowed his head slightly and replied. "Yes, Master. I wish to take part in the Knights' mission. It was my failure that led to him remaining alive. Let me go and redeem myself in your eyes."

"No," Snoke replied shortly. He chose to ignore Ta'Veq's wordless protest. Snoke remained quiet as his gaze scans the room. Finally they arrived on the podium where he had set Kylo Ren's mask and lightsaber days previously. "No. I have other plans for you, my apprentice."

* * *

_Present day…_

Rey awoke with a start as soon as the sirens started to blare. She was immediately as wide awake as if she had had a full night's rest, and not just the short few hours she'd gained since returning to her room from the forest clearing.

She glanced down at the leggings and breastband that she had worn to bed, and decided against dressing in something entirely different. There was no time. However, she did grab her robe, thrusting her arms through the dark brown material before bending down to pull her leather boots on over her bare feet.

As she ran to the door, she reached her hand towards the shelf above her bed, and called her lightsaber to her with the Force. It snapped into her hand just before she closed the door behind her.

Outside of her room, the sirens were louder than inside. The sound almost drowned out the few soldiers of the base shouting orders and acknowledgements back and forth as they raced down the halls.

Rey held her lightsaber in one hand, unignited, and turned to follow the stream of bodies. They were all heading towards the front entrance of the base; the one that led out onto the runway.

Just before she could enter the atrium, she was stopped in her tracks by Kylo Ren's voice in her head. _'What is going on? What is that sound?'_

She took in a deep breath, trying to calm herself at his intrusion. Although she was angry that he had pushed himself into her mind again, she mostly understood why he had done so. If she were in his position, locked away, weaponless… she would worry at why the sirens were blaring. Of course he would use whatever means necessary to find out what was happening.

' _I'm not sure,'_ she replied evenly. _'I was on my way to find out when you stopped me.'_

He paused a moment before he spoke to her again. _'It's the First Order. I can sense the signatures of two minor Force-sensitives from the Knights. They're… here to kill me.'_

She could sense dejection and betrayal coming through their bond, sharp and painful in its intensity. Rey experienced a brief flare of pity for him before she could tamp it down.

' _Don't you dare feel pity for me!'_ He shouted into her mind. His anger roiled across their connection like a tidal wave, quickly obliterating any pity she was feeling for the man. Her own anger rose up in response.

' _Fine! You can rot for all I care!'_ With that, she slammed down her mind's inner walls as best she could. She could still feel him burning in the back of her mind, so she took a moment to delve deeper inside of her, building some new, shaky, temporary walls around the spot where the bond lay.

She growled at the delay, coming back from the delay to find that the sirens had stopped blaring. She could still hear shouting coming from ahead, and she raced to follow them into the atrium.

There she found Luke and Leia, both immaculately dressed as if they'd never gone to bed. Luke had his lightsaber in hand, and Leia held a blaster with another resting in a thigh holster. They turned towards Rey as she jogged across the room towards them. "What's going on?" she asked.

Leia's eyes flashed. "Seems we've got company."

"Knights of Ren?" Rey asked before she could stop herself.

"How did you–" Leia began, as Luke pinned Rey with his eyes. "Nevermind. We need to protect the base. We had minimal warning that they were coming; they must have entered the system on quiet approach." She strode towards the front doors, and Luke and Rey followed close behind her. "They landed on the other side of the fence, and are on approach through the woods. I highly doubt that fence will hold them, though. This being a medical base, it was really only used to define our perimeter."

Rey nodded at that. It made sense. "How many are there?" she asked.

Luke answered her question. "Our latest – and only – report has the number at a squad of Stormtroopers and about half a dozen Knights. They only came in one ship but, unfortunately, that's almost at the limits of what we can handle here. If you and I weren't here, Rey, I'd worry about the outcome of all this."

Rey put her back against the wall beside her Master, and asked without thinking: "What about Kylo Ren? He could be an asset to help push them back."

Luke turned to look at her fully, disappointment crossing his features. "Rey… they could just as likely be here to break him out as… whatever it is you think they're here for. Use the logical part of your brain, not the emotional part of it."

"But…" She didn't finish her sentence, as she really had no reason to believe that they were here to kill Kylo Ren, other than the words he'd spoken to her minutes ago. She certainly couldn't use that as proof of what she felt in her gut.

Soon enough she didn't have time for thoughts, anyway. Due to the limited number of base personnel, they were attempting to funnel the attackers into the atrium, having sealed off the only other entrance at the rear of the complex.

A grenade rolled into the atrium, and Leia yelled "Grenade!" before running towards one of two hallways leading into the room, blaster firing at the doorway even as she retreated. Luke used the Force to hurl the grenade back towards the entrance as he ran towards the other hallway, Rey at his side. She could distantly hear yelling proclaiming that there was a Force user inside, and she smirked at the thought of the expressions of frustration that were even now probably gracing their faces.

The grenade went off with a loud boom, shaking the hallway. She could see clouds of dust swirling in the atrium; likely what was left of the doorway had been obliterated and the entrance widened in the blast. She heard the clomping of Stormtrooper boots moments before they were entering the hallway, and her and her Master stepped forward to confront them.

"Hold your fire!" Luke shouted at the guards behind them in the hall.

Rey and Luke deflected bolt after bolt of weapons fire, sending them crashing into the walls and ceiling, knocking entire sections into the air and onto the floor. Some bolts were deflected into the Stormtroopers themselves, and their bodies quickly began to pile up at the head of the hall. Rey refused to feel anything for their lost lives, even though an image of Finn was holding court in the back of her mind.

She shoved the thought aside as soon as she saw what was standing in the doorway. Covered head to toe in black, masks over their faces, were three Knights of Ren. Arguably, Rey knew that they had been coming. She knew they existed. But she hadn't known what they looked like, not really.

They were straight out of that nightmare of a vision she'd experienced when touching her lightsaber for the first time. The ones who'd accompanied Kylo Ren on that rainy, muddy field.

Obviously she was slipping out of her battle meditation, as she hadn't even noticed that Luke had darted forward to engage the Knights. Sucking in a huge breath, she channeled her fear into something she could use: power. As she fell into the first form, she used that power to push herself back into her meditation; it always helped when she had an actual opponent.

Pushing the Knights back into the atrium, she and her Master circled around the three Knights. Two had phasers that they had quickly discarded once shot after shot had been deflected by the Jedis. Instead, they pulled out energy weapons that seemed to have been fashioned after ancient weapons: one unfolded a halberd, the other a sword, and the third continued to fight with his staff.

Luke took on the sword and staff wielder, leaving Rey to manage the halberd-bearer on her own. She steadied her hands on the hilt of her saber, trying to ignore the sweat dripping across her brow. The Knight rushed her, halberd raised high, and she swung her saber up immediately to parry the first blow. The force of the energy weapon hitting her blade sent shocks up her arms and into her shoulders, nearly causing her to drop her weapon entirely. Gritting her teeth, she tightened her fingers even more and let herself drop further into her meditation. Sounds drifted through the back of her consciousness, barely noticeable but still being processed. Her senses expanded until she could feel the Force thrumming around her body, and she let herself become aware of everything around her. Time seemed to slow down, and it was as if she could sense every little thing that her opponent was about to do before they could even do it.

She let the Force guide her mind towards that of her opponent and, without thinking, she slipped inside of their thoughts. One of the Force-sensitives that Kylo Ren had mentioned, their strength in the Force was only enough for them to realize that their mind was suddenly being hijacked. Rey followed an instinct seemingly older than time itself as she cut and slashed at her opponent. It was so easy to get inside their mind, and it was only slightly harder to issue a command into their mind.

' _Freeze,'_ she pushed the command at the Knight and, all of a sudden, they froze – just like that. Rey didn't even think as she followed through with her last strike, removing the Knight's head with a quick, clean stroke. At least it was a merciful death.

Probably more than they had planned to grant any of them.

The Force screamed at her to turn around to parry, but she was too slow. She could feel the sword of the other Knight slash across the back of her left shoulder. At least she had moved enough so that the weapon didn't remove her head from her shoulders, as it had been aiming to do. She screamed in pain, dropping her left hand from her lightsaber's hilt, and reverting to a modified one-handed style. She turned and immediately stabbed her saber's glowing blue blade through the heart of the person before her, eyes glinting in satisfaction as they dropped to their knees and then fell onto their side, twitching.

Luke calmly stepped over the last Knight on his way to check on his sister, and Rey could see that they had already felled one Knight. The other was soon dispatched once Luke entered the fray. Calm fell over the room, slowly, though there were still sounds being made from those who had been injured. Rey tried desperately to hold onto her meditative state, but the pain was starting to spread across her back and down her arm; unbearably so.

The pain was stripping away almost all of the mental abilities that she had, and slowly she became aware of Kylo Ren in the back of her mind. His mental voice was urgent as he spoke to her. _'Finally. Girl. What is going on? There's someone at the door of my cell, and I truly do not believe that they are here to rescue me.'_

She didn't stop to wonder on if that was truly worry that she was sensing through their bond – she simply jumped straight into a run, careening through the halls on the way to Kylo's cell door. She ignored Luke's shouted question on where she was going, instead focusing all of her willpower on staying upright as she ran full speed through the increasingly deserted hallways.

When she arrived at the cell, the door had been blasted open. Four Stormtroopers lay dead or unconscious on the ground, though there were no marks on them. Another Knight of Ren had Kylo Ren by the throat, a plasma bolt suspended in midair by the former First Knight's head.

Rey didn't even hesitate as she plunged her still-ignited lightsaber into the Knight's back; straight through a living being's heart for the second time that night. Her eyes were unfocused, seeming to stare into the space between her and the cell's prisoner.

The Knight collapsed at her feet, and Kylo Ren stared at her in return, panting.

It was all he could do to lunge forward and catch her when she canted forward. He stared at the blood soaking the back of her cloak, and could see through it to the gaping hole marring her flesh.

He slowly stood up and carefully pulled Rey into his arms. He walked towards the destroyed doorway, finally releasing the plasma bolt once he stood safely with her in the hallway. It crashed against the wall, sending shards of rock flying in all directions.

"Put her down." Luke Skywalker's voice roared from behind him.

Kylo Ren slowly turned around, but didn't let go of the girl. He spoke calmly in return to his uncle's demand. "I can't. She's injured. I'll slowly kneel, though, if that will suffice."

The other man nodded sharply, and Kylo Ren slowly lowered himself onto his knees. Yet he kept hold of the woman who'd come racing in to help him, not letting go until a team of doctor's arrived and pulled her from his arms.

His eyes followed her form until she disappeared around a corner at the end of the hall.

Slowly, he pulled his hands up and laced them behind his head, staring up into the confused eyes of his former Master.


	9. Chapter 9

Rey slowly surfaced into consciousness, her thoughts drifting aimlessly. She thought of Ahch-To and its rolling oceans; the birds who swooped around them as she trained with Master Luke; the sounds their lightsabers made as they pinged against each other; the aches and pains as a result of hard sessions; pain…

She bolted upright with a gasp, her eyes startled and wide, frantically searching the room. The pain that had woken her fully was pushed aside; it could wait. There were more important matters at hand.

Catching sight of Luke, slumped in a chair on the other side of the med bay, cloak wrapped around him, she tried to scramble out of bed. Her thrashing woke Luke and he jumped to his feet, diverting his eyes from Rey's uncovered form. "Calm, child. What is the rush? You should be resting, still." He held up the sheet Rey had shoved to the end of the bed, and she snatched it from him.

She paused only long enough to cover herself cursorily and then demanded, "Where is he? Is he okay?"

Luke stared at her so long that she didn't think he'd answer. His eyes and facial expression were so closed off that she had no idea what he was thinking. Finally, slowly, he sighed and answered her. He knew exactly who she was asking for. "He's fine besides some bruising that's already started to heal. His wound opened up again, but it's already been taken care of. He's in another room like the one he was in previously, seeing as the first was trashed so thoroughly last night."

The tension drained from Rey and she sat down hard on the edge of the medical bed. Her adrenaline slowly started to drain from her body, and the pain started to return in its place.

"I can't feel him," she whispered, closing her eyes. "He's dim. I was worried I was too late."

"No, he was just sedated immediately after we recovered you from his person…" Luke trailed off, his eyes widening at the implication of her words. "You know about the bond?"

Rey's eyes snapped open once again, and she shoved herself upright and into her Master's face. Her anger was barely under control. She couldn't believe that this man, her Master, someone whom she had come to _trust_ , had withheld such a game-changing piece of information from her. She felt hurt, anger, and even a hint of betrayal welling up from deep within her. It warred with the pain in her body, focusing her mind into a sharp point. "Wait. _You_ knew about it? It doesn't matter if I know about it now – it sounds like you've known about it longer than I have!" Her words are hissed, barely controlled. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Rey felt a stirring in the bond at the back of her mind; Kylo rising through the haze of sedation. _'What…'_ was all the thought that he could form before falling back into unconsciousness. Rey shook herself and focused once more on her Master.

His eyes were still displaying shock at the situation, but he was quickly reigning himself in. Rey pulled herself back from him at the same time as Luke took a step back from her. "I had hoped it would lie dormant, Rey," he admitted. "I did not wish you to be tied to that man; to his darkness. I was worried that his evil would swamp out your light, and that I would lose you like I did him. I wanted to protect you from him, as best I could. Now that you are aware of it… I will have to look into how it can be severed or diminished–"

Rey cut him off, holding one hand up in the air to stop his words. Thankfully, he acceded to her silent demand. She looked up at him, her eyes piercing into his. When she spoke, her tone was soft. "Did you never think that I could handle myself? That I did not need protecting? Did you ever stop to think that perhaps… that perhaps I am not as light as you believe me to be? That does not make me weak, Master Luke. Maybe it makes me stronger. But you did not give me the benefit of the doubt." She bit her lip, worrying it between her teeth as her Master watched her through his unwavering gaze.

"Please, leave me for a while. I need to think. I need to… rest. Yes, I need to rest." She slowly lay on the medical bed, on the side that did not hurt so much, and closed her eyes. She was lost in her thoughts, pondering the faint connection in the back of her mind, before Luke was even at the door.

She couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, that Luke's way of thinking was _exactly_ why he'd lost his nephew in the first place. She admitted to herself that she didn't know very much about the way the world worked, but it seemed counter-intuitive to hide the bad things in life from the ones you were trying to protect – it made much more sense to learn about them so as to better know how to fight them; to resist them.

Her last thought, as sleep overtook her, was that perhaps she understood Kylo Ren more than she'd previously thought.

* * *

Hours later, Luke found himself outside the door of his nephew's new cell. Disturbed by the events of this morning, he'd tried to distract himself with meditation in his room, but had given it up as a lost cause. Instead, he decided to see if their prisoner was awake. Pushing the image of Ben… Kylo… with Rey in his arms, and the startled but tender look he had had, out of his mind, Luke stepped into the cell.

Kylo was indeed awake, and he was furiously pacing from one end of the room to the other when Luke walked in. Immediately, he turned and lunged for Luke, bringing his hands up in an attempt to clutch at the front of Luke's robes. The shorter man brought one hand up before the larger one could touch him, freezing him in his tracks with the Force. Kylo trembled, his eyes reflecting the anger that always seemed to simmer below the surface – even when he was younger, his eyes had been the same.

Luke felt a quick tinge of remorse for what might have been, and then bitterly tossed that train of thought aside for present concerns.

He could feel his hold on the much more powerful man weakening slowly, so released him before he could lose face by losing control. Thankfully the other man brought his hands back down to his sides, visibly calming himself. Luke raised his eyebrows and pushed back his hood while waiting for the other man to say what he obviously wanted to say.

"Where _is she_?" Kylo eventually gritted out, clenching his teeth.

"What concern of that is yours, _boy_?" Luke replied. He couldn't help the snide moniker slipping out, though he immediately regretted it.

"I need to see her." Kylo ignored his former Master's comment, and instead pushed his cause with determination. "Is she alright? She came to my aid, even when she was injured. I've never had anyone–" He closed his mouth with a snap, not wanting to betray his weakness to this man who truly couldn't care less. But Luke knew what he had been about to say. That he'd never had anyone care about him like that. There were so many arguments that Luke could make against his nephew's thoughts on the matter, but now was not the time, nor the place.

"She's fine," Luke filled in the silence. "Her wound will take some time to heal, but she will recover to full mobility." He could give him that much of an answer, at least.

"Can I see her?" Kylo asked, once again.

"Why?" Luke was honestly perplexed at why this man would want to see his young apprentice. His mind shied away from the reasons that presented themselves to him, refusing to dwell on those sickening thoughts. "I have half a mind to take her as far away from you as I possibly can. Lessen that damned Force-bond you have between each other – _yes,_ I know about it, damn you," he interjected before Kylo could speak a word of protest. "I'd kill you to protect her from your influence."

Kylo's eyes went round and he took a step back at the venom coming from his uncle's mouth. Luke could see the change in his body language immediately, and his eyes narrowed at the next words that came from him.

"I… apologize," Kylo said.

Luke didn't believe him for a second. He was sure that the other man simply didn't want to lose access to Rey. His next words confirmed his thoughts.

"May I see her when she's ready? I'd… like to express my… _gratitude_ for her part in guarding me from the Knight last evening."

Luke stared at him for an uncomfortable minute, weighing his options. "We'll see," he replied curtly, before turning on his heel and exiting the room.

* * *

Later that evening, well past full dark, Rey found herself standing beside her Master, just outside of Kylo Ren's new cell. She could feel him seething inside, and had been feeling the same from him in near unrelenting waves ever since she woke up a couple hours ago.

Master Luke had told her Kylo Ren had requested her presence. She'd felt slightly nervous at the prospect, but had only shrugged her shoulders at the older man and asked him to please leave so that she could dress herself. He'd offered to assist, as her shoulder was still practically immobile, but she'd gracefully declined, pointing at the medical droid in the corner. It wasn't that she was shy; more like she was still incredibly peeved at the man and wished to have as little to do with him at that moment as possible.

Forgoing a breast band, she'd had the droid assist her into a loose grey dress and white leggings that had obviously been left for her by Leia. They were surely from stores here on the base, but had probably not seen the light of day in years, judging by all the men who occupied the place. Her left arm was immobilized in a white linen sling, yet she still had the droid deposit her lightsaber into the right-hand pocket of her dress. She couldn't imagine parting with it, after all this time, especially when she was so nervous. It had become like a touchstone to her; a balm for her soul when times became tough.

She'd slipped her feet into grey sandals, leaving her hair down around her shoulders, before opening the door and stepping into the hallway, moving silently through the halls as if she were Luke's shadow and not a living being. Thankfully, he hadn't pressed for conversation.

Opening the door to Kylo's cell, Luke stepped in first to make sure that the taller man was far enough away from his apprentice. He motioned Rey in, and shut the door behind her.

Rey kept her eyes on her feet, refusing to meet his eyes. She could feel Kylo's mind brushing against hers, but she refused to grant him access to her thoughts. She wasn't hiding – not really – just taking her time to gather herself.

The silence quickly grew to be too much, and so Luke decided to break it first, directing a rather pointed question at his nephew to spur the discussion. "Why did the First Order send Knights to kill you? Or was this all some elaborate ploy to get us to trust you?"

Rey felt a spark of rage and despair sear through Kylo Ren's thoughts as he drew himself up. "I don't have to answer you," he spat. "You wouldn't believe me anyway."

Rey's head shot up and her eyes connected with Kylo Ren's. Immediately, she and he were gripped by a vision – Rey recognized the feel of a Force vision right away. She knew, in a distant corner of her mind, that she must be experiencing a memory of Kylo Ren's; one that he had been thinking of at the moment their eyes – and minds – had connected.

* * *

_"I have kept myself attuned to your mind and thoughts these last months, First Knight." Snoke's voice was taking on a harder edge. Kylo Ren held his breath for a moment before releasing it and breathing normally again. "Your thoughts have been decidedly… too Light for my tastes. I have tried to train you. I thought that the murder of your father at your own hand would help cast you once and for all into the Dark. But I was wrong. I thought that your admiration of your grandfather would be enough for you. I thought that my acceptance of you, unlike your family's, would be enough for you. But I was wrong. And after having you be defeated by a girl barely wet behind the ears, that was almost too much. But I bided my time. I waited to see if you would conform; if you would truly accept the ways of the Sith._

_"But you… you do not fit in anywhere. You are no one. You are inadequate. You have no worth to me anymore._

_Kylo Ren was barely able to make a half turn where he kneeled before he was held in place by the Force, wielded by an unknown user. His master's voice was filled with pride when he spoke next. "Allow me to introduce you to my new apprentice, Ta'Veq. Kylo Ren, I strip you of your title of Knight of Ren. I strip you of your position as my apprentice. I cast you out, to survive only if you are strong enough. Your death will hopefully be a long one; one that will bring much pain and suffering – to you, and to those whom I will leave to find you. Your usefulness is at an end. Let this be your last act in this world."_

_Kylo's eyes widened and he struggled against his bonds with the Force. The new apprentice was not nearly as strong, but was being backed by his former master._

_This was it. Somehow he'd known this day would come._

_Kylo caught a glimpse of the new apprentice – a Turasin male – before there was nothing else._

_Nothing else but pain._

* * *

Rey returned to her own consciousness through a haze of pain, writhing on the floor and gasping for air. She could hear Luke yelling at Kylo, demanding to know what he had done to Rey. She ignored them both and concentrated on getting her quaking limbs under enough control to lever herself onto her feet with her one good arm. Shaking like a leaf, she squared her shoulders and tried to regain even more control of herself. Finally, she walked over to where Luke had his mechanical fingers wrapped around Kylo's throat. Kylo wasn't even fighting back, though his eyes were panicked and filled with pain of their own.

She placed her right hand on Luke's chest, pushing him back, away from Kylo. Somehow, he let her push him. "Master…" she began, "it wasn't his fault. The attack, that is. The one from last night." She was still shaken, and her words were disjointed. She turned her head slowly to look upon Kylo Ren's face, and she couldn't help the flash of pity that carried through her bond with him. It was written on her face as well, plain as day.

Kylo Ren shoved himself back from her, hands rising to her right shoulder to push her away, heedless of her injury as she fell against Luke. "I do not need your _pity_ ," he hissed, eyes narrowing into a glare. "That was _personal_ ; you had no right to that memory!"

Luke helped Rey straighten, but kept a hand on her good arm to steady her. She tried to shrug off his hand, but he would not budge, so instead she faced the taller man and replied with an equal amount of venom as he'd just given her. "Then maybe you shouldn't have forced this connection on me in the first place. But now we're stuck with it, so you better learn to control yourself better. Don't you _dare_ place the blame for this on me."

With her words ringing in the room, she twirled on her heel, dress fluttering around her legs, and stalked from the room. The sound the doors made as she used the Force to open them would have grated on her ears if she'd been paying attention, but she was too focused on the mixture of anger and pity and pain that was threatening to consume her from the inside out.

She didn't really even notice when the anger and pain subsided, and the pity morphed into compassion. What pain he'd been in at the betrayal of his Master… how lonely to have been so cast out from everything he'd ever known…


	10. Chapter 10

"They share a Force Bond," were the first words out of Master Luke's mouth as he dragged Rey behind him and into Leia's office. It had obviously been commandeered from one of the other officers on the base, as the little touches gracing the room were decidedly too masculine for even a General like Leia.

Rey had given up on trying to escape Luke's firm grip on her good arm after he'd caught up to her halfway to the front atrium. She had struggled for a few moments as he propelled her in the opposite direction, but had given it up shortly after. Her anger and frustration at the man and everything that had happened had been renewed, however, and it was still at the forefront of her mind as Luke shoved her down into the seat in front of Leia's desk.

Rey glared at the large wooden desk in front of her as she took a moment to regain a modicum of control over herself and her emotions. She straightened her spine and squared her good shoulder, lifting her chin up slightly as she reached over and slowly adjusted the cloth of her sling. Bringing her hand up to her face next, she pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes and tucked it behind her right ear. Only then did she choose to take in the other two occupants in the room, both of whom were whispering to each other on the other side of the desk.

"Yes, we do," Rey replied evenly to Master Luke's accusation. "It's not as if it was planned, though, so don't you dare blame me for something that I can't control, _Master_."

Leia narrowed her eyes at the tone apparent in Rey's voice, but otherwise kept her silence for the moment. Luke straightened to his full height and then swung around to place himself into an arm chair just behind the desk which Leia was seated at.

Rey's eyes darted between the two siblings and felt her passion abating as the silence wore on. The emotional pain of Kylo Ren's experience was only too happy to seep into its absence, and Rey's shoulders began to slump beneath the weight of the feelings.

Leia finally spoke. "A Force Bond?" Leia said the words as if she'd never really spoken them aloud before. Maybe she hadn't. "I've heard of those," she continued as she turned towards her brother. "Between Rey and my son? When did this happen? No, wait. Never mind. Obviously something more important has occurred." She turned back towards Rey, her eyes narrowing until they seemed to pierce into Rey's soul where they held her gaze. It was times like these that Rey could swear the other woman could read minds, for all her protestations to the contrary.

"When their minds connected – I could _feel_ it, sister, the _power_ of it – Rey simply froze and started to whimper." Luke's voice drifted towards Rey, softer and more tired than it had been earlier. Rey found she could not break her gaze from Leia's, and she started to breathe more rapidly. Luke continued to explain his perspective. "It went on like this for a couple more moments and then suddenly she was screaming, clutching at herself, and then she collapsed on the ground, shaking like a sapling."

Leia's eyes darted towards Luke and Rey found she could suddenly breathe properly again. She knew she would have to explain what had happened to these two, but she found herself hesitant to do so. Rey had not only seen what had happened to Kylo Ren in his audience with his Master – his _former_ Master, her mind corrected – she had also felt every emotion, every feeling, and every blaze of pain that he had experienced. She had lived it with him, as if she _were_ him. It had felt so real…

Rey knew that were she in his shoes, she would not wish her weaknesses to be exposed to people who considered her their enemy. He had so little already, as a prisoner here, and he had lost so much more than any of them had suspected. Rey knew what it felt like to be abandoned and alone; to feel like there was no one left in the world who cared for you, or wanted you. Kylo had experienced that at the hands of his Master, and to expose those feelings and emotions to Leia and Luke felt like a betrayal. For that matter, Rey hardly felt she could let them know what _she_ was feeling most of the time. She couldn't imagine exposing someone as raw as Kylo Ren to their further scrutiny. Not with a hold over him like this vision would bring.

Rey paused in her internal musings, startled for a moment that she was feeling this way for a man she had considered to be her enemy. Oddly, she found that she could not fit him with that label anymore; at least not in her mind.

Suddenly aware of something at the back of her mind, Rey ignored the voices of Luke and Leia demanding that she explain what she had seen. It was Kylo, and Rey couldn't drum up a single bit of anger at his mental intrusion this time around. His mental voice sounded resigned, and she stilled completely. _'I know they'll want to know what happened. I know you can't keep this away from them. Just… let me listen in.'_ He preempted her before she could explain that she didn't know how to do that. _'I can… already hear. Do what you have to, but I need to hear this.'_

Rey didn't have the heart to barricade him from her mind. She understood him, weird as that may sound to her. Perhaps she could get him to trust her a little with this act – not for the Resistance's sake, but for his _own_ sake. The man needed an ally and, even if he would never join the Resistance, perhaps he could at least move on with his life to something _other_ than this.

She was sure that he had heard her thoughts, and – before he could taunt her for her absolute _naivety_ – she set her confusion to the side. Deciding to just go with it and deal with the repercussions later, Rey returned herself to the present situation in the room. She simply started to speak, not caring if the other two were talking already, or even present to listen.

"We shared a vision, Kylo Ren and I." Her voice is calm and sure as she recounts only what she wishes to, carefully picking her words. "His Master called him into an audience. He… essentially he told Kylo Ren that he was replacing him with another; a new apprentice. He does not… did not trust Kylo Ren anymore. For whatever reason it was that he decided this, he truly meant it. Kylo Ren is no longer a part of the First Order, in his eyes, and he was left in this system, near us, as a warning. I do not… I do not think that he was meant to survive." Rey's voice had been strong until that moment, when it suddenly broke. She felt overwhelmed by emotions that were wholly hers, and she struggled to contain them. _How lonely he must be…_

She glanced at Luke and Leia, who seemed slightly disbelieving of her, even still. She stared them down, eyes narrowing, and hardened her voice. "He was not responsible for last night's attack. He said as much and I _believe_ him. I also believe that that vision was not a lie. He was cast out, and somehow ended up surviving and with us. You do with that knowledge what you will." Nodding to them both, she stood up and made her way to the doorway. She bowed to the General, and then to Luke. "Master. General. With your leave." She did not wait for them to do more than nod before she was out the door and striding down the hallway.

She felt a sudden surge of gratitude come through the bond and into her mind, making her pause in the hallway just outside the door. Kylo's presence was out of her head before she could even think anything more, and he had obviously barricaded himself away from her if the complete absence of emotion or thought was any indication.

Continuing on her way to her quarters, she decided that she really wasn't quite sure why she had let the other man stay inside of her mind for that conversation – but that the feeling he had let through their bond at the end was more than enough to make up for the intrusion. She found herself intrigued.

Yes. Maybe there was something to work with there, after all.

* * *

Poe Dameron set his C-wing down outside of the village after Finn called the all-clear from his gunner position. They had just taken down the last TIE-fighter still in the air. He didn't like flying the C-wing as much as his normal X-wing, due to its lessened maneuverability, but the trade-off was having Finn where he could keep a protective eye on him. That man always seemed to find a way to get into trouble, so General Organa had given Poe permission to train him as his gunner.

She had given him that look, though, that told him she knew exactly why he had made his request, then told him that she did not typically allow couples to fly together. But for this she would make an exception. Poe had nearly choked then and there; he was sure no one had known. "You're the worst-kept secret on the base, Dameron; you and Finn. Just keep good care of that boy, you hear? Dismissed." His ears had been red for hours that day.

Pulling himself from the memory, he opened the hatch on the C-wing, jumping out with Finn to join the rest of the Resistance fighters in securing the village against the First Order. The call had come out only hours ago, but it seemed they were too late to help this village. They had secured the land, but the people…

Finn let out a shout of surprise and Poe whirled around to see what had Finn so affected – he had been so much more in control of his combat responses lately, that the mere fact that Finn had shouted was a sure sign of distress.

Poe froze. Not only his muscles, and his mind… but he felt ice flow through his veins in a rush of fear.

Across the village square, stalking towards one of the last remaining First Order shuttles, was Kylo Ren. The sparking red lightsaber with the two smaller quillons jutting out near the hilt was unmistakable, as was the mask covered by a black, hooded short-cloak. The angle and light from the fires made it possible to see all of this in near-perfect detail.

It wasn't until he was being shaken from his stupor that he realized the First Order had departed the planet's atmosphere. He blinked slowly up at Finn, and then gave him a small, quivering smile.

Finn wrapped both of his arms around Poe's neck and placed a kiss on his cheek before whispering in his partner's ear: "I know Poe; I understand… I'm _here_."

And he was. Finn was, and always had been, there for him.

Poe pulled back slightly and leaned his forehead against Finn's. "Thank you," he whispered. Voice gaining strength, he stepped back fully. "Let's contact the General. I have no idea what she's up to, but she'll want a full report on this attack."

Finn only nodded, his forehead still creased with concern.

Poe understood why. Tonight would be another night of nightmares that he thought he'd been long past.


	11. Chapter 11

The next day, Leia found herself standing on the inside of her son's new cell, back to the door, and staring down its occupant. The information she'd learned yesterday from Rey still troubled her, but she wasn't sure why she'd thought seeing her son in person would make it all better. The knowledge of him being cast out of the First Order did not change anything with the man in front of her; he was still as closed off as ever, and had still committed crimes.

But maybe he wasn't completely lost. Maybe her guess that first day wasn't as far off the mark as it had seemed at the time. Maybe he really did still feel the call of the Light.

"Well?" His voice barked out from across the room, cutting through her thoughts. She hadn't even realized that she'd been standing there, lost in thought. "What do you want _this_ time?"

She narrowed her eyes at him but said nothing, choosing instead to let him stew in silence for another few minutes.

He was having none of that. He stood up and stalked towards her, glaring down at his mother from his much larger height. "Are you here to _gloat_?" he hissed at her. She could see that he was working himself into a rage, but she could hardly think. The room was stifling and her thoughts were swirling around in her head and she had _no_ idea why she'd come here so unprepared…

She grabbed hold of her mind with a firm mental grip and shook herself from within. There was no way she should or could show fear and instability in front of this volatile mess, even if he was her blood.

"No, I did not," she replied calmly. A flash of annoyance crossed his face and he took a step back. It was as if he were disappointed that he hadn't gotten a rise out of her. He seemed so ready to fight, at all times. It was… sad.

"What is it then?" he asked gruffly.

"I know you were cast out of the First Order," she stated. "Rey told us; your uncle and I. Will you not help us by telling us what we want to know about them?"

His reply was immediate, no emotion crossing his face. "No."

Leia felt her mouth tighten in a frown. "How can you feel any loyalty to them still?" She was genuinely curious at what his response would be.

He paused and she could see his brain working behind those dark and troubled eyes of his. They had changed so much since she'd seen him all those years ago, but at their most basic they were still the same eyes. The same eyes that she had loved and cherished.

Finally he answered her question with one of his own. "Why should I feel any loyalty to the Resistance? Why should I help them, or you, at all?"

"It's the right thing to do," Leia answered immediately. She wished right away that she could take back her answer. It was a weak one that would only make her look foolish in front of the man standing before her.

Yet he did not outright laugh. Instead, his eyes took on a cold and calculating cast. Suddenly, Leia was more afraid of him than she'd been since he'd arrived at the base. But he didn't do anything. Instead he simply turned his back on her and walked towards his cot while speaking. "Maybe for you. But they've never done anything for me."

Leia turned to leave, wanting nothing more than to escape from the emotions bubbling up inside of her. There were so many things she wanted to say to Kylo… to Ben… to her son. So many words that had gone unsaid over the years that could have made _all_ the difference, looking back on it now. So many things she could have changed, or chosen to do different if she had it all to do over again.

It was too late, it seemed.

She was halfway out the door when she heard his voice again. "Can I speak with Rey? In person."

Maybe it wasn't too late, after all.

"We'll see," was all she said.

* * *

"Leia, I don't need to hear this right now–" Luke protested, his hands having risen up to his chest in a beseeching manner, palms out. Leia would have laughed if the subject matter weren't so serious.

"Yes. You do," she cut in firmly. "Sit."

"I'd prefer to stand," he countered.

She glared at him, in only the way that a sister who was catching up on years' worth of glares could. "Tough shit. _Sit_ ," she ground out.

Luke sat, signaling his surrender with his hands.

Leia took a deep breath, and jumped right back in. "Look, Luke. Your anger is getting out of control, especially with Rey. I understand that – no, _listen_ to me without _talking_ for once; I have a lot of years to catch up on, damn it! I understand that you are being faced with your past here, seeing Ben like this… but so am I. You're pushing Rey away, Luke. She's your padawan, and she needs you to be her Master. Not her enemy. And right now everyone can see that she's distancing herself from you. Don't let that happen. There, I've said what I want to say. Now it's your turn." She shoved her finger into his chest to make her point.

Luke sighed, pushed her finger away, and brought his mechanical hand up to rub at the bridge of his nose. "I know," he replied simply. He said nothing more.

"Well?" Leia pushed him. "What are you going to do about it? This has the possibility of turning into exactly what happened with Ben, and you know it. You – and I, and Han for that matter – weren't there for him when he needed us, and now you're not there for Rey. You're letting the past cloud your focus, your abilities. You're letting your emotions get the better of you, and there's a chance that Rey could be lost to us all. It wouldn't even have to be Snoke – do you see the way that my son has zeroed in on her? Do you? All this could be avoided if you weren't so lost in your head. You're a Jedi, Luke, aren't you supposed to be able to handle your emotions?"

"I'm trying, damn it!" His grumpy reply was only half-hearted. "I'm screwing up, Leia, but I just can't seem to control myself. I'm trying, though," he repeated softly.

A loud beep interrupted their conversation before they could continue. Leia reached over and squeezed her brother's shoulder before turning to answer the call.

Leia had been expecting this call for the last couple of days. Activating the link, Leia held back a sigh as the image of Councilor Rulo appeared on the screen at her desk. "Yes, Councilor?" she queried.

"General," he greeted her perfunctorily. He moved straight on to business. "We have called for a tribunal to meet to discuss the fate of the prisoner of war named Kylo Ren. I wished to inform you of this. The forum will open in eight days' time, if you wished to be there and offer council. Master Luke," he greeted the Jedi Master. "Your expertise is welcome if you wish to provide it."

"And what of the prisoner himself, Councilor?" Luke asked from the position he'd taken up behind Leia's chair.

"He will not be needed," Councilor Rulo sneered.

And with those five words, Leia knew exactly where this tribunal was going. She wrapped up the conversation within seconds after that, and then sat in silence at her desk, head in her hands.

"Leia–" Luke started.

"Shh!" She cut him off sharply. "I don't want to hear it right now. Just… just give me a minute, Luke."

He did give her a minute. In fact, he gave her a few minutes as she sorted through the thoughts rolling through her mind.

It was a given that they would hold the tribunal to determine what to do with him. They even had the power within their legal system to call for the tribunal to be held without the accused, as long as the accused was represented by a token defense. It was not perfect, but it had worked in the past.

Leia knew exactly how this would play out, but she was powerless to stop them from reaching the conclusion she knew they would reach. They were going to execute her son.

Yet, he _was_ a prisoner of war. He _had_ committed atrocities throughout his life, and not only during his time with the First Order, after their official declaration of war. The Jedi Temple… what he had done to Luke… was a prime example of the cruelty of the man who had been her son.

Leia, as a representative of her people, both politically and militarily, knew that she had to follow the law. There was no way around it. She was not the leader of a fascist state like the First Order's Snoke; the Resistance was a democracy, albeit a militarized one. She must obey the law.

Leia felt an impotent rage welling up within her at the uselessness of her situation. For all his faults and crimes, this man was her _son_. He was still her _boy_ , somewhere inside of him. She wanted to wrap him up in her protection, take on the world for him, make everything better… she wished, briefly, for the strength and power to be able to do whatever she wanted to protect her son. To right the wrongs she had done to him in his childhood. She would burn the world to go back in time and change it all, let alone change the outcome of one, small tribunal.

With a sour twist of her lips, Leia wrenched her thoughts from that path. That was the path to the Dark side – truly, it was the path to evil for Force-sensitives and regular beings alike. Wanting to burn the world…

Yet, what she wouldn't give to be able to protect him from the inevitable.

At least she could be there to mitigate some of the damage, if she was able to. She would leave in four days. That would give her time to prepare herself and pull whatever strings she could.

* * *

Rey was dreaming. Kylo could tell, somehow, that she was asleep. Yet the images she was broadcasting to him were as clear as day across their nascent bond. He had been meditating, feeding the flame of anger within his heart, when the first image flashed across his mind's eye.

Curious, he kept his eyes closed and sunk into the dream with her. He was almost startled right out of the dream when he realized that he was actually _in_ the dream as a participant, not just as an observer – and he was in his own body.

Yet he was still only along for the ride.

Kylo and Rey's lightsabers were locked together in combat, violet light spilling around their forms and reflecting off of the snow surrounding them. They were back on Starkiller Base, fighting as the planet broke apart around them. But this time it was different in that he could sense her emotions. Her entire being was radiating with anger, frustration, hatred, and disbelief at the situation – at _him_.

"You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the Force!" It was odd to feel his mouth speak without prompting from his mind. The lack of control was disconcerting, but his curiosity overwhelmed any qualms he might have had.

Rey's eyes widened and her body stilled. "…the Force?" she muttered, half to herself and half to him. He remembered this moment clearly. She looked as if she had never heard of the Force before, or as if she had completely forgotten their earlier battle of wills in the interrogation room. She closed her eyes, seeming to concentrate internally, while Kylo did nothing but watch. He still had no idea why he hadn't pressed her in that moment, but perhaps he was curious even then.

He was startled, however, when he felt the emotions rolling off of the young woman. He wasn't sure how accurate they were to her true emotions during the actual event, but mixed in with the anger and frustration was… curiosity… fascination… temptation.

Within the blink of an eye, the sequence of events changed completely from how he remembered.

Rey grabbed his lightsaber and wrestled it from his grasp. Instead of attacking him with it, though, she threw it to the side, closely followed by her own lit saber. They hissed when they struck the snow, and then shut off.

He was shocked, to say the least, when she threw herself against his body, wrapping her arms around his body underneath his arms, and molded her lips to his.

It felt so _real_.

The body he inhabited in the dream had not hesitated like Kylo's mind was doing just then. It took him a couple of seconds, but his mind finally caught up as his hands wrapped around the thin woman's frame, lifting her off of her feet and pressing her against his front. He angled his mouth so that he was practically devouring her lips, tongue and teeth clashing with hers.

She moaned into his mouth and lifted her legs so that they were wrapped around his waist, hands clutching the cloth over his back. He could feel her fingers digging into his back even through the fabric, and he groaned in response at the sensation.

He staggered forwards until he had shoved her back up against a tree trunk. Holding her against the trunk with his hips, he moved his hands over her body, skimming her neck, hips, and sides through the thin material of her desert garb. He could practically feel the heat radiating off of her as he lowered his lips to her neck, nibbling at her skin with his teeth, pressing harder and harder in an effort to mark her skin; to claim her; to –

Kylo was cast out of the dream as if he were in a ship that had engaged hyper drive.

His breaths were coming rapidly and his skin was flushed. He fell back onto his elbows, trying to calm himself and only mildly succeeding. He could tell that his eyes were wide, and the tightness of his pants over his hips could only mean one thing.

He knew – had known for a while now, in fact – that he was attracted to Rey; that he was drawn to her body, and her mind, and her strength. Yet he hadn't had the smallest inkling that she felt even half as much as he'd witnessed in her dream tonight.

He was finally able to get himself under control just enough to feel like he wasn't about to self-combust. Curiosity then compelled him to tentatively brush against her mind, but he found only an impenetrable barrier in his way. She had blocked him out. He knew she wasn't sleeping, however. He could feel – feel _her_ – that much at least.

A small smile curled his lips upwards, just slightly, as he stretched himself out on the floor completely, legs sprawled haphazardly and his hands underneath his head. His mind replayed the images of the dream to him, and he still couldn't quite believe that she had been dreaming of him, of them, coming together like that. The possibilities of this development were enticing, to say the least. Perhaps she would be a lot more susceptible to his offer to teach her, now, especially with the friction appearing between her and her Master.

Closing his eyes and relaxing his muscles, his mind drifted to another image. It was of her running into his cell the night of the attack, weapon thrusting through the heart of his former Knight compatriot. The thrill he had felt at seeing her like that, wild, untamed, and deadly, was an equal to the thrill he'd experienced from the shared dream tonight. She was beautiful in her courage and strength, and doubly so when she was enacting swift and violent justice.

Kylo sighed as his pants tightened once more, though he refused to move his hands from where they rested beneath his head.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Rey bolted upright in bed, sheets twisted around her body and limbs quaking with desire. The room felt entirely too hot for her at the moment, and her breaths were being ripped from her in quivering gasps.

She was also unbelievably, irrevocably, horrified.

She had had these dreams before, in various permutations, though this was the one that kept coming back to her, time and again. Yet this time it was different.

 _He_ had been there. _He_ had witnessed it all. Witnessed her secret shame; her guilty pleasure; something she'd been hiding from everyone. Usually she was able to keep it under wraps, having thought she'd never see him again; not like that… not like _this_. Seeing him almost every day for the last week, discovering their shared bond, just _thinking_ about him… her walls were crumbling it seemed.

And he had been there to witness it.

In fact, he hadn't just witnessed it. The threads of emotions that she had felt wrapped around her mind when she had woken up were not just her own. There had been desire and shock and possession… but also a deep upwelling of pure _satisfaction_ that certainly had not come from her. Moments before she'd slammed her ragged mental shields down around her mind, she'd sensed that he had been thoroughly pleased at what he'd seen. No… what he'd participated in. He hadn't protested being along for the ride in her dreams in the least.

Falling back on her pillow, Rey forced her breaths back under control. There was nothing she could do about it except pretend it hadn't happened. She hardly doubted he would let that happen, though – he had precious little to amuse himself with in his current incarcerated state. And she and her petty desires would _certainly_ be amusing to a powerful, virile man like him.

She sighed and closed her eyes, attempting sleep, only to have them immediately pop back open again. How could this have _happened_?

It was going to be a long night.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heart and prayers go out to the families of those killed, injured, or missing in the UK last night... Our family friend and his parents are safe, though it hits close to home as the latter had just been there last Thursday... Gah. *closes eyes and cries*

The next morning, Kylo Ren was outside bright and early. His guards had muttered that it was _too_ bright and early, but he refused to acknowledge their mutterings and so soon they settled down into a sullen silence. His… mother… had been by his cell at the crack of dawn to inform him that he was to be allowed a couple of hours outside. It wasn't her choice, she'd grudgingly admitted; rather, it was the doctor who had insisted that his patient be allowed light exercise and sunlight to complete his healing process.

Whoever was responsible, Kylo was just pleased to be allowed outside.

He still had the chip in his arm, with one of the remotes being held by one of his guards. They kept their distance, and Kylo acknowledged with a certain level of detachment that they seemed rather competent at their duties. Their eyes were alert and their bodies held at the ready, hands in position to easily access their weapons.

Kylo had wandered over to a large spot of lawn beside the base's runway.

As he settled into some light stretching, his guards a private forty feet or so away, he quickly discarded thinking about what the General had confronted him with yesterday – about his loyalty to the First Order. That did not bear thinking on at the moment; it was a problem for another day, especially since he saw no reason to divulge secrets to the group who had practically abandoned him as a child.

No, that was not what he wished to think about. Not today.

There were more… enticing things to set his mind to.

Kylo moved his body fluidly into a weaponless version of a fighting sequence that he knew by heart. He could do it with his eyes closed, and he chose to do just that. He found himself moving a lot slower than usual, but he didn't push himself; he knew his injury was still tender and could be broken open with too much exertion. But he did push himself just enough that he felt a slight edge of sharp pain almost constantly. The pain helped him to focus.

And he wished to focus on Rey.

His thoughts drifted over their shared dream last night – which he hadn't slept a wink after experiencing. He knew she hadn't slept either. He had felt her mind, awake and conscious and _fretting_ , even if he hadn't been able to discern anything specific from her. That, as much as his own thoughts, had kept him awake. But he didn't mind; he'd operated on much less sleep before.

Glancing at his guards through his peripherals, he slowly drew in a little bit of the Force to help strengthen his limbs as he moved more quickly through a new set of hand-to-hand forms. It wasn't like he was hurting anyone by using it – plus, they couldn't tell. They weren't even slightly Force-sensitive.

But the two newcomers were.

Kylo kept his hold on the Force anyway, not looking in their direction. He continued to face the forest, and smoothly kept going with his sequence. He was aware that they were there, their Force signatures practically overwhelming in their intensity. Just as they were aware that he was there. And that he had a firm grasp on the Force.

He dared Luke to say anything.

He was only mildly disappointed when the older man said nothing, instead turning to his padawan and instructing her to limber up as he did the same.

Kylo kept practicing. He knew it would bug her if he refused to look at her. He could feel the edge of that annoyance curling around the mental block she continued to maintain – or at least attempted to. But he didn't need a Force bond to know that she was watching him. He could _feel_ it. As he executed a rather graceful kick against an invisible enemy, pain flaring and feeding his concentration, he felt a flash of desire sear its way along the tether linking them together before she pulled it back abruptly, sealing her mind even more tightly.

"Rey!" He could hear her Master rebuking her from across the clearing.

"I'm sorry, Master," was all that she could mutter in response before she returned her focus to her training.

After a couple more incidents of distraction, an increasingly agitated Master Luke dragged his apprentice to the other side of the base, complaining loudly about the quality of good training facilities inside the complex.

Kylo smirked, and made his way back inside.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Rey was studying – or at least attempting to study – the history of the Jedi. Today's topic was the fall of the Jedi Temple on Coruscant and the rise of Darth Vader… the man who was Kylo Ren's grandfather, Anakin Skywalker.

Rey was sure that they had been slated to study the Hundred-Year Darkness today. Perhaps Master Luke thought he was being subtle with the point he was trying to make?

No matter. Rey turned her focus back to the datapad in front of her, resting her chin in her palm as she read.

She was slowly, but surely, making her way through the material. Her mind had been continuously trying to distract her with images from her dream the night before, though, so it was slow going. Feeling herself flush once again, Rey sighed. She still couldn't believe that he had shared her dream with her! How embarrassing… And then, this morning, she was sure she had sensed a thread of satisfaction from him that he hadn't been able to stifle, after Master Luke had ordered her to follow him to another training location to handle her distraction. She wasn't even sure that Kylo had _tried_ to hide his satisfaction.

Suddenly, rushing at her across said bond with Kylo, a barrage of emotions slammed into her. Her mental barriers had been holding all day, but they were now in tatters across her mind. She felt pain locking up her body, anger and rage, and even a touch of despair. It had been too much for her mind to hold against, and it seemed to have been going on for a while, if the intensity was anything to go by. She wasn't sure how she hadn't realized something was going on earlier.

Rey curled up on the floor, breathing deeply, and closed her eyes, seeking out her bond with Kylo Ren. She needed to know what was happening. He needed her.

* * *

They had come for him two bells after the lunch hour, his mother wrapped in the persona of the General, a somber yet stern expression on her face, and two men who he soon found out were Resistance interrogators.

They were good at their job. He found that out, also.

But he was better. He had the Force on his side.

The General had left soon after seeing the two men into the inside of her son's cell, pausing briefly as if she were hesitant to follow through with this course of action. She'd left in the end, anyway. He hadn't expected her to stay, but he also hadn't expected her to approve of this. The Resistance, yes… but then again, his mother had always _been_ the Resistance. She put everything about the Resistance first. Maybe he shouldn't have been so surprised at just another betrayal from the woman who had birthed him; yet somehow he still was.

Then the men had proven just how good they were at what they did, and all thought of the General had flown from his mind. There was no maiming involved… no, the Resistance wouldn't necessarily be so crass as to condone that form of interrogation. But there was a lot of pain.

Kylo didn't give them what they wanted, but at times he wanted to, just to make them go away. He was able to focus much of his pain and anger into a focused ball within his mind, closing everything down around it as the interrogators continued to ask him question after question about their enemy's secrets.

During a moment where he had been without air for too long, he found himself reaching out at anyone, _anything_ that could help him, without giving into the men demanding answers of him. No, he'd never give them information – especially not _this_ way. Not now.

In his moment of near-panic, he crushed Rey's mental barriers, feeling like he could breathe again – at least mentally – when her mind brushed against his. She was all he had in this moment; all that seemed real to him. He would take what strength he could get.

After her initial shock at what was going on, he felt her settle into his mind, observing what was happening to him with anger and repulsion and even a sense of betrayal that nearly mirrored Kylo's own. The difference was that she wasn't nearly as jaded as he was – he had expected as much of the Resistance whereas she had not.

As Kylo fought his way back to consciousness once he was able to breathe fully again, he held tightly to the feelings that Rey was pouring into him. She had gotten over her shock and was sending him wordless strength and reassurances through their bond. He wrapped her anger and betrayal and pain at his expense around him, using it to focus and close his mind to the outside world. He became a fortress, with a spot just for Rey and their connection in the back of his mind. She was not outside of his fortress; she was now within it. She was feeding him strength and power, and together they made it through what seemed like hours more of this fruitless session.

She never left him; not even once.

* * *

It was late evening, after dinner, and Luke and Leia had been holed up in her office since early afternoon. If Leia were being honest with herself, she would admit that she was hiding from the decision she had made earlier today. Yes, it had been an awful choice to make, but she would much rather gain information from her son about the First Order so that she had something to offer the tribunal, than let him be executed without even trying. She was doing everything possible to save his life, even if he would later hate her for it. Luke, at least, understood her; now more than ever. There was that, at least.

Leia's communication console chimed, interrupting the heavy silence that had fallen over the two siblings for the last half hour. Pressing a button, she patched the audio call through. "Yes?" she queried tiredly.

"Ma'am? Two files are ready for you, marked for your eyes only. Shall I patch them through?"

"Please," she replied, and shut the link down after she thanked the officer.

The files were available for her within moments. The first were the results of that afternoon's interrogation: nothing. She closed her eyes tightly at that. She could read between the lines. It had been hours since they began.

"Oh wow, this is interesting," Luke's voice snapped her out of her thoughts. He was reading the second message, crowding against her shoulders and reaching around her to press the screen.

"Luke! Those are _my_ confidential reports!"

"Well, you're my twin sister. You tell me everything. Plus I'm Luke Skywalker. I can see anything I want," he teased her lightly.

Leia made a face, scrunching up her nose and crossing her eyes like a tiny child would do. "Oh, look at me, _I'm_ Luke Skywalker. I'm a Jedi! I'm so important! I get to do whatever I want!"

Luke couldn't stop a guffaw from escaping. Leia grinned at him pertly. She had missed her brother very much, especially for moments like these. He always had the ability to make her forget her troubles, no matter what.

"Well when you put it that way… I _am_ Master Luke," he said in mock self-importance, grinning right back at his twin.

"You lost all privileges when you ran off and hid like a kriffing coward for years, _Master_ Luke," she retorted snidely, only half-joking with him. "What does it say?" she relented.

"Well, it says here… it's a report from Poe Dameron, it seems… he saw Kylo Ren destroy an entire village. Okay, so really no surprise there. But here's the kicker: it was _after_ we had him locked up here on base.

"Wait, let me see that!" Leia leaned in, reading the text intently. "Wait, Poe is sure it was him. Same lightsaber, same helmet, same robes, same shuttle… He's seen Kylo Ren firsthand so I'd trust his account implicitly if I didn't know we had the man in question locked up at the time."

Luke was silent a moment. "Well… you didn't find him with his helmet or lightsaber, you said. Right?"

"Right…" she replied slowly. "That's what the pilots said when they found him and brought him back. I deliberately asked about that."

"Seems like there's an imposter out there, then," Luke stated. "I wonder if he knows."

"Honestly? I kind of doubt it," Leia answered, trusting her gut with her response.

"So… what now? Do you ask him about it?"

"No. We'll keep this one close to our chest for now. Monitor the situation and see what comes of it. I don't want him to know if he doesn't already."

Before Luke could respond, there was a heavy pounding at the door.

Rey entered the room in a flurry, her hair a complete mess and her robes askew because she'd thrown them on in a hurry. Her face was crusted with dried tears and locked in a snarl, but she didn't care what she looked like. She was _enraged_.

She'd been so enraged, that she'd broken four lightbulbs as she walked through the halls on her way here. Her bare feet had trod through the glass without pause, leaving bloody footprints in her wake. In the back of her mind, she knew that she would feel the cuts later, but right now her adrenaline was too high. She was too focused; too _angry_.

Slamming the door behind her, she spoke quietly and slowly, enunciating every word. "What the _hell_ was _that_ about?"

Her Master stared at her, frowning, and started to speak. "Rey, what is the meaning of–"

She cut him off, focusing her attention on the General. "I know what happened to Kylo Ren today. This afternoon. I was with him _every kriffing step_ of the way, in his head. Do you know how that felt? I wish that I could make you feel even one _iota_ of the pain that he and I went through today. Pfassk! Maybe then you'd understand how I feel right now. He's your _son_ , for Force's sake! How could you do that to him?"

She fought to control her breathing, lifting a hand to her chest. No one spoke for long, fraught moments.

Finally, Leia spoke up. "We need the information on the First Order, Rey. He wasn't helping himself. You don't understand what's at stake here. It is so far beyond your comprehension right now–"

"Not kriffing good enough!" Rey bit out fiercely.

"Rey!" Luke snapped at his padawan, appalled.

Rey quietened reflexively at her Master's tone, but her anger and hurt was still simmering below the surface. She kept her gaze focused on Leia, Kylo's mother, flesh of his flesh… and saw an opening. She didn't know what she was even going to suggest until the words were out of her mouth, but they felt… right. _Good_ , even.

"General. He's your son," she repeated. "If you could do it another way – get the information from him another damn way if you could – would you?"

Luke fell quiet, stilling his body where he stood behind his sister. Leia looked up sharply but answered immediately, guilt gnawing at her features. "Yes, of course I would," she answered softly. "But there–"

"There's a way," Rey stated.

"How?"

"You know that he and I share a Force bond…" Leia nodded. "Well, I can't say for sure, but I feel a certain amount of trust from him towards me as of late. He certainly trusts me a lot more than he trusts either of you at the moment, even if it is a very small amount. I've been in his _head_ , Master Luke," she cut him off before he could say what she knew he was thinking, "and as near as I can tell, I think I have the best chance of getting anywhere with him. Let me work with him. Let me _talk_ to him. Let me see if I can get anything from him that won't result in you needing to inflict torture on him – on _me_." She paused a moment before continuing, in a tone that brooked no argument. "If you agree to this, it means that I'd be his handler. I would gain full access to him and be able to decide when and where to take him, and what to do with him. He would gain certain rights and privileges – as long as he behaves – that he hasn't had since being brought here. And all of this would be at _my_ discretion."

The room was silent, filled with two somewhat stunned individuals and a third who was replete with righteous anger on behalf of the fourth person in question – someone who wasn't present, yet was looming large between them.

Leia's gaze was unfocused, her brain obviously whirring through the implications of Rey's suggestion. Yet Luke met Rey's gaze after a few moments and expressed his concerns.

"Rey, I worry for you spending too much time with him. He is full of darkness and anger and I worry that you will succumb to any machinations that he will attempt to lure you with. The Dark side is easy to fall sway to… but," he raised his hand before Rey could protest. "Leia has reminded me that everyone needs to face their own struggles and that I need to put some more confidence in you. I admit that I have a lot of doubts about my nephew's disposition where you are concerned, and do not necessarily feel that he can be… redeemed… I am willing to see where you are going with this." He pointed at her. "Provided that you report to me regularly, and that I am allowed to sit in on occasion. I _will_ be watching from a distance, at the very least, Rey. Leia," he dropped his hand and placed it on his sister's shoulder, "is this acceptable to you?"

The General nodded, her guard completely down, emotions plastered across her face. "Yes," she whispered. She squared her shoulders. "Yes, this is infinitely preferable. But… act quickly, Rey. There… there isn't much time. The knowledge he holds is important, for more than one reason."

Rey noticed Luke squeeze his sister's shoulder once more before he dropped his hand. Rey met both of their gazes, feeling much calmer than earlier. Her anger still simmered beneath the surface, but it was much more manageable. She felt satisfied with the results of this conversation, even if she was not happy in the least with what had brought it about.

She bowed briefly to both of her superiors, and then straightened again. "Thank you," she said. "I am still… not happy…" she felt her lips twist at her choice of words, "…but I feel that we have a good opportunity from here. Thank you for this chance."

Leia nodded at the younger woman. "I _am_ sorry, Rey." She looked like she wanted to say more, but couldn't find the words.

Luke spoke up as well. "My apologies as well, my padawan. I have been remiss."

Rey accepted their apologies with a short, sharp nod of her head before turning around and exiting the room. The door shushed softly shut behind her.

She took a few steps down the hallway, but collapsed against the wall almost immediately. Her rage and emotional pain floated away from her, and she realized that it was all that had been strengthening her since making her way to the General's office.

Rey rested her head against the cool concrete of the wall, inhaling shakily. Physical pain was starting to take precedence in her body. Her feet…

' _Rey. As much as there are other things I wish to say to you at the moment… go take care of your feet.'_ Rey startled as Kylo Ren's voice floated into her mind. She immediately wondered how much he had heard of the conversation with Luke and Leia. She frantically thought back on everything she'd said, wondering if she had said anything _bad_ about him, but either could not find anything or was simply too tired to recollect correctly. _'Rey. I will still be here tomorrow, once we have both rested. We will talk then. Look after your feet, first.'_

And with that, he was gone, save for a thread of power being lent to her. It was enough to get her to the medbay.


	13. Chapter 13

Leia looked at Luke over the rim of her steaming cup of tea, and lifted one eyebrow at him. "You want Finn and _Poe,_ of all people, to come and stay here? Why in the world would I approve that transfer?" she asked incredulously.

"Look, Leia," Luke began, spreading his hands wide. "I know it sounds like a crazy idea, but–"

Leia cut him off. "A crazy idea? A crazy idea! Wow, Luke. Your vocabulary astounds me; life as a hermit must really have done a number on you. The words I would suggest are, let's see…" she set her cup down and crossed her arms over her chest. "…insane, ill-advised, deranged, ludicrous… are you getting the picture? You _know_ what Poe went through with Ben. You know exactly how his therapy has been going. What in the Force has compelled you to suggest that he, and Finn, should be moved to this base?"

Luke glared at his twin as he collected his thoughts before speaking. "Seriously, Leia. For one thing, they're soldiers; they do what's asked of them, just like we all have. There's no coddling in the Resistance, not for anyone. For another, that boy is damn-well strong enough to handle himself. He worships the ground you walk on and if he heard you talk about him as if he were a thing to be pitied, he would be mortified. Give him some credit; give him a chance."

Leia glared right back, and then sighed. "Okay, whatever. But _why_ – tell me again what you want them for?"

"Rey needs her friends. I don't want to leave her by herself around Ben… _Kylo_ … longer than I have to, but I can't act like the overbearing prick you called me out as. She needs her space from me, but I don't want her to have no one to lean on. Finn and Poe are her closest confidantes besides me. And yes, I know that Poe is having… trouble… but maybe it will help him recover if he can see what's happened to his interrogator. Escaping your problems is not the road to recovery."

"Oh enough with your Jedi shit, Luke." Leia rolled her eyes, and then narrowed them once again. "You remember that they grew up together, don't you?" she asked rhetorically. Of course Luke knew. "They weren't exactly close, but they have history. I worry that will do more harm than good in this case."

Luke chewed on his lip before replying. "I actually think that it will work to our benefit here – and, of course, to Poe's. Maybe even Kylo's. I… it's not just for Rey that I want those two here. I think we could tackle multiple problems here, and maybe even give Kylo a push along towards… recovery. If that's still possible. Everything's murky, Leia," he admitted tiredly, "but I can't be more serious about this if I tried."

She sighed, just as tired, even though it was only the start of the day. "I know you are. And blast it, you're right as well. It might just be good for him, and Finn will be here as support…" She made a small, throaty noise. "Fine. I'll have them here in two days."

* * *

A lot had happened since they'd last spoken in person.

Rey paused outside of Kylo Ren's cell door, physically clenching her muscles to prevent herself from opening the door. She wanted to make sure that she had herself well under control before she confronted _him_.

She rolled her shoulders back and smoothed her hands down the front of her grey jacket, pursing her lips. She was happy to be back in her familiar clothes, hair pulled back into her habitual three buns, and lightsaber clipped to her belt. With all of her inner turmoil, she took solace and comfort in a certain degree of normalcy.

Her mind was shielded strongly this morning. She'd desperately been practicing her mental defenses ever since the bond had come to light. Although there had been some… slip ups… her extra practice seemed to be paying off, at least during most of the day and night.

Night. Rey flushed, then struggled to immediately tamp down her body's reaction to the images coursing through her brain. She was only too glad that her mental barrier was in effect, because it wouldn't do for Kylo to know that she just _couldn't_ get that damn dream out of her head. The feel of his lips against hers, his body pressing her firmly against the tree… his _presence_ and _awareness_ of the dream, and how he had thoroughly been into the whole scene, even though he was just a passenger, really…

Rey shivered, and then pushed the whole thing firmly from the forefront of her mind, trying desperately to shove it into a deep crevice where it wouldn't see the light of day – not today, at least. There was too much going on today as it were. She had fought for this control of Kylo's life, though the fact that it was necessary _at all_ just made her so _mad_.

She clenched her fist, and rested it on the wall beside the door, leaning her forehead on her arm. Rey realized that she really needed to get a hold on her emotions before seeing Kylo again, in person. It wouldn't do either of them any good for her to be filled with anger, even if it was on his behalf. She needed to be in control. She needed to _breathe_.

After a few minutes of doing just that, working steadily to – if not empty – control her thoughts, she stood up straight and opened the door to Kylo's cell.

Rey nearly winced when her eyes first met his. His eyes were revealing a barely-suppressed… _something_. She wasn't sure if it was anger or passion or despair, but she was sure that it was an emotion replete with intensity. They were the eyes of a wild animal, or near enough, and they stood out in stark contrast against his paler than usual skin. The scar bisecting his eye only increased the ferocity of the look.

She took another breath and let it out slowly, hoping that he wouldn't see how off-kilter he made her. She highly doubted that, however, as his gaze sharpened and he tilted his head at her calming breath. He looked like a predatory creature, though for now he seemed content to stand on the other side of the room, not moving an inch towards her. Rey wondered idly if he was just biding his time…

No matter. Not now, in any case.

Before she could speak, he intruded in on her thoughts. He remained perfectly still, however. "Your feet and arm; how are they?"

Rey blinked, and then blinked again, slower. She glanced at her feet, encased in a pair of comfortable, though not very practical, flats. Her feet were wrapped gently in soft, thin white bandages beneath the fabric of the footwear, and her arm was out of its sling, though still tender. "Oh." She cleared her throat. She had pushed aside him telling her to care for her feet last night, in the haze of pain and anger that she'd been in. But now, it all came flooding back, and she couldn't quite wrap her mind around _why_ he had worried then – or was worrying now. Let alone why he'd sent her power across their bond… _how_ had she blocked that out until now?

"They're… fine, actually," she finally answered, trying desperately to rein her thoughts back under control again. She smoothed her features, and she noticed his eyes sharpen even more as a result. "Those medical droids really know how to fix people up. A lot better than getting injured on Jak–" she cut herself off, grimacing. "Thank you," she said instead, not knowing what else to think or feel. Not right now, at least.

Rey paused to collect her thoughts, and Kylo remained silent and still. She finally tilted her head towards the cell door, gesturing at it with her nearly-mended arm. "I've had some chambers set up for you, if you'll follow me?" It wasn't really a question, but Kylo nodded his head in response, finally stepping towards her. He was dressed in the same loose grey pants that he'd been wearing since he arrived here, though someone had obviously supplied with him a new pair of slip-on shoes and a loose long-sleeved white shirt. The white just made him look even paler, and Rey winced internally at the sight. She'd have to find him some new clothes, she supposed.

They made their way through the hallways, Rey walking a couple of steps behind Kylo and directing him on which way to walk as they went. Finally, they made it to a long hallway that had a guard stationed on each end. Rey nodded at one as they passed him, but the guard only had eyes for Kylo, tracking his movements and barely concealing his fear behind a veneer of hatred.

Rey decided she'd have to keep a close eye on the guards, if this were to work. She couldn't have them murdering her… murdering her _what_? What was he to her? A prisoner? She supposed that would have to do for now, though the term didn't quite sit right with her.

They arrived at one of the doors leading off of the hallway, and Rey placed her hand on Kylo's shoulder to halt him. She immediately drew her hand back, however, as he whirled on her, and she stared up at him with wide eyes. "Uh… we're here," she breathed out.

He took a step back, nodding, and Rey opened the door. "It's… not much," she explained as she entered, Kylo stalking in close behind her. She tried her best to ignore him by crossing to the desk and leaning back against it. "But it was the only thing that was reasonable and close to my room, which is two doors to the right when you exit. So… if you need anything, you _are_ free to at least roam this hall and knock on my door. I'd just maybe advise against getting too close to the guards – they weren't my idea, but I understand them being there."

Kylo lifted his arm and queried, "And what about this?" He was indicating the arm that had the tranquilizer chip in it.

Rey bit her bottom lip and worried it with her teeth before replying. "I didn't have any control over that decision either. Your mo– the General decided that it needed to stay where it is."

He dropped his arm. "Figures. Well it was worth asking, at least." He flashed her a small smile – more like a twist of his lips – that set her heart racing all on its own volition.

She cleared her throat, and silence settled over them. Rey remained leaning against the desk, but Kylo turned to look at the room around him. It was small, with a desk and chair, a bookshelf, a bed, and a small dresser. An open door led to a small 'fresher, and he peeked around the door frame to assess its contents.

Before he could say anything, Rey spoke. "There's the basic toiletries in there, and some clothes in the dresser, but there are still a few things I'm waiting on, that I should be able to get for you by tomorrow, sometime. Like a razor and… and boots with laces and…" she trailed off, flushing, as he turned and lifted an eyebrow at her. "Uh, yeah I know. They still think…"

"Think what?" he drawled, his voice smooth as silk. "That I'm going to kill myself at the first opportunity? No. Maybe before, but not now. Now there are too many… possibilities… to explore. If I'd wanted to kill myself I could have found a way yesterday. I could have made them kill me if I'd truly wanted." His voice had roughened by the end of his statement, and his eyes had lost any lightness that they'd gained since entering the room. She could see his body starting to quiver with something akin to rage, and she could just… _feel it_ coming off of him in waves. Her barriers were keeping her thoughts in, but his emotions seemed to have no problem brushing over her senses at the moment.

Rey didn't quite know how to respond to that, but she tried anyway. "I… I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

She immediately regretted her words as Kylo flew across the short space between them, crowding her against the desk with a hand braced against the wood on either side of her body. He didn't touch her, but he was close enough for her to feel his breaths stirring across her cheek. His face was flushed and anger sparked in his eyes. "I don't need your _pity_!" he snapped.

Rey felt her own anger rise up, and she gathered herself, getting ready to push him off of her and show him exactly how she felt about him snapping at her. She was only trying to express her concern for him; especially after having experienced everything alongside him yesterday.

Yet before she could say anything, Kylo's shoulders drooped, and his arms lost some of their tension where they were bracketing her. "Thank you," he grumbled, turning his eyes from her face.

Rey paused, and then nodded curtly. There was no need to say anything else; there was nothing really she _could_ say to that.

Kylo stood up straight, but didn't step back. He towered over Rey, and she was forced to crane her neck to look up at him. She probably shouldn't let him stay this close, but… "Obviously I saw what you did for me yesterday, in the General's office. But you're not going to get anything out of me." Kylo's words were soft and quiet, incongruous coming from the man she knew he could be.

"I know," Rey replied, equally as soft. It was as if she didn't want to startle him back into the anger that she knew lay just below the surface. "It would help if I could offer them even some small things, but… I understand. That wasn't the point, though. I didn't do all that, say all that, just to get information from you. The fact of the matter is that what they were doing to you was _wrong_."

Kylo finally took a step back, one that looked almost involuntary. His face scrunched up slightly, and Rey couldn't help but wonder if he'd ever had anyone express interest in his well-being since his childhood. He looked so… _lost_.

"I don't want to talk about it," he gritted through his teeth, turning away from her and hiding his face.

"But–" Rey started to protest, reaching her hand out towards his shoulder. She dropped it quickly as he turned around, before it could make contact with his back.

"I mean it." He shot her with a look that was too complicated for her to decipher. Additionally, all traces of emotions that were leaking out of his mind were shut down even tighter than they were before. It was only then, through the lack of background 'noise', that she realized he had been low key projecting his feelings for the duration of their conversation. The emptiness was rather startling.

"I've been through worse," he continued, and his voice took on a bitter note. "I didn't expect anything better from the Resistance anyway; not really."

Rey knew better than to bring the subject up, but she couldn't help it. She just wanted to _understand_. "But the General's your _mother_."

She immediately regretted the question that wasn't really a question. His entire face had shut down at the mention of his mother. Not getting anything from his features, or from their small bond, was just… odd. She felt like she couldn't read him at all, and realized that she'd gotten used to his presence in the corner of her mind, even over just a few short days.

"So?" Kylo growled.

There. At least there was a hint of emotion coming through. Rey sighed, relieved that he hadn't shut down completely.

Kylo continued, as if he couldn't help himself. "There are a lot of things you don't understand about the General – my _mother_. You do not understand, Rey, what it was like growing up with her. You do not understand what she was like, and how she _still_ is. You–" He cut himself off as Rey stood from her position against the desk.

"I'd _like_ to understand," she said solemnly, her eyes looking up into his, catching and holding them. He blinked at her, still almost completely shut off, but Rey caught a hint of confusion and doubt crossing his features. It was as if he couldn't quite figure out if he should believe her or not.

But she was sincere. "I _want_ to understand… Kylo." It was a calculated risk, using his chosen first name like that, but she felt it was well worth it.

She was rewarded when his face relaxed, albeit infinitesimally. "Maybe someday," he told her.

Rey nodded. She could accept that. "Okay. Maybe someday," she agreed. It was better than nothing. "Well… I'm going to go for now. I need to track some things down. A service droid will be by with supper in a little, and there're at least a couple of books you can choose from on the bookshelf. We'll… I think maybe we'll go outside tomorrow. Maybe train a bit. I think it'll be good."

Kylo tilted his head at her, and suddenly his facial expressions opened right on up again. She knew before he smirked that he was thinking about the training session outside yesterday morning. She knew because her mind had immediately gone there as well.

She had nearly forgotten about it, with everything else that had occurred yesterday.

Before Kylo could comment on her crimson blush – the one that she could _feel_ creeping across her face – Rey darted from the room. "I'll see you at eight!" she shouted back at him.

She raced to her room but slowed down as she entered, trying to calm her breathing. Her mental shields were holding, but she was exhausted. She needed more practice; that, or it was getting worse.

She wished she could talk to Luke about it right now, but she was still so angry at him; she didn't know if she could trust every word that passed his lips.

What she did trust was that tomorrow would be a _long_ day.


	14. Chapter 14

At eight on the dot the next morning, Rey pressed the chime that led to Kylo's room. She'd already been up for hours now but had just barely managed to arrive on time. There were two service droids in the hallway with her, both of which were carrying supplies that she'd picked up for Kylo. She herself was carrying a small basket, tucked into the crook of the elbow of her stronger arm. It had been healing adequately enough, considering she'd refused to have Luke heal it. She wasn't quite sure if she was punishing herself or him with her refusal, but the wound had been negligible enough that she'd felt confident enough in going that route.

The door hissed open finally, and Rey was faced with a bare chest, right at eye level. A very _muscular_ bare chest, at that. She'd seen plenty of bare chests before, even his, earlier in the week… but not like this; never this close and _personal_. He looked healthy, in his prime, and _enticing_ in his sleep-mussed state. She felt her mouth go dry, so she swallowed in an effort to bring moisture back to her throat. She averted her eyes, willing herself not to blush, and greeted him. "Hi Kylo; good morning."

He paused a moment, and Rey could see his jaw working as he silently contemplated how to react to her words _and_ to what had to have been her obvious staring. He finally settled on a rumbled, "Good morning," in return. She nodded in response and shifted awkwardly, still standing in the hallway.

Kylo stepped aside, motioning for her to come in. "Sorry about… well, none of the shirts in the dresser fit me and I slept in the other one, so…" He didn't sound embarrassed for himself. If she had to guess, from his tone and from the hints of emotion rolling across their bond, he was more upset at what she would think of his impropriety.

Rey set down her basket on the desk and took pity on the man, setting his mind at ease as she turned back to the two droids still standing in the hall. "I understand," she murmured as she lifted one basket with her good arm. Thankfully it wasn't heavy, and she could brace it with her other arm enough to carry it safely into the room. She placed it on top of the neatly folded bed covers, wondering if he'd even slept in the bed at all.

She turned back to get the other basket from the last droid, only to stop short as she noticed that Kylo had already taken the basket in hand. It wasn't his actions that had stopped her. No, instead it was the sight of his supple body that caught her attention. She caught a quick glimpse of rippling back muscle over his prominent ribs, and a quick hint of a delectable hollow at the base of his spine before he turned around and made his way to the bed, depositing the basket there alongside its mate. She was sure he'd caught her looking, as he shot her a rather sharp look, but he didn't mention it, remaining oddly docile compared to the day before.

She turned back to the second basket she'd brought in, opened the top, and rummaged inside. She pulled out a black cotton tee, shook it out, and then handed it to him without a word. Just as silently, he nodded his thanks, flipped the t-shirt over, and stuck his head and arms through the openings. "Thanks," he finally replied, verbally expressing his thanks once he was fully clothed. The shirt was a little tight on him, but in a good way, she admitted to herself ruefully. It certainly didn't look like it would be uncomfortable, at least. Perhaps now she could actually _concentrate_ , but the way that the shirt accentuated his muscles nearly made her groan at the futility of her efforts to reduce the distraction that he presented her with today. She double-checked to make sure that their bond was tightly shut down on her end; it wouldn't do to give him something – something _more_ – to lord over her.

After glancing at his feet, covered in the large slip-on shoes from the day before, Rey turned to the other basket, nudging Kylo out of the way with her elbow. She felt reasonably confident that she could turn her back on him at this point; even confident enough to touch him with her elbow. They'd been through a fair bit together, already, and had even shared thoughts and a dirty dream, much as she was loath to admit it. They'd shared emotions and experiences – _kriff_ , they had even shared a torture session, at that. She was sure that he realized she was the closest thing he had to an ally here, and that he wouldn't do anything too overboard to jeopardize her good faith.

Well, as much good faith as she could have for a man – a _criminal_ , her mind whispered – like him.

She pulled out a pair of black soldier's combat boots, complete with laces and rough tread. "Here, I was able to get these for you."

He just stared at her.

His sharp gaze made her shift from side to side, growing increasingly uncomfortable. "Well?" she finally asked, her tone edged with gruffness. "Are you going to take them?"

Kylo Ren said nothing, instead reaching to take the boots from her hands without looking at them, his gaze never leaving her face. He finally turned around so that he could sit on the edge of the bed, leaning forward so that he could put his feet into the boots. "Well, at least they fit," he murmured to himself.

Rey was about to tell him off for not expressing his thanks, but something caught her attention, forcing her to hold her tongue. She watched, wincing as he attempted to hide the way his body didn't want to fold over – obviously the wound in his side was still giving him some trouble, limiting his range of motion. Striding over to the desk chair, she pulled it in front of him without a word. He paused to look up at her, lifting a brow, asking her silently what she was up to.

"You can tie your boots easier if you rest your foot on this," she said by way of explanation.

He said nothing, but lifted his foot onto the chair and continued to tie the laces. She was relieved to see that he was no longer holding his body in a pained manner. No matter who he was – and she wasn't even sure _what_ he was to her; not anymore – she did not like to see him in pain. She didn't like to see anyone in pain, but there was something about him… something about the bond that they shared… that just screamed at her to feel compassion. She often tried to fight it in her free moments of introspection; tried to convince herself to view him as nothing more than a prisoner, as an enemy… Sometimes she succeeded, but that carefully crafted viewpoint always shattered the very next time she saw or felt him.

She sighed, crossing back over to the desk to unpack the contents of the small basket she'd first carried in. She started to remove some old-fashioned, physical books, some printed on paper and others still on flimsiplast. Rey had seen the woeful selection that had been left in the room yesterday, and had made a stop at the small base library that same evening to pull a few titles of varying subjects. She had no idea what he would like to read – or _if_ he would even like to read – but she figured having a selection on hand would be better than nothing.

Suddenly, an arm reached around her and picked up one of the hardcover paper books. Rey froze at the feeling of the man standing directly behind her. She hadn't even noticed him crossing the room to get to her – that was dangerous, and she needed to keep her guard up around him more. Even if earlier she had mused that she didn't need to watch herself completely… there was still _some_ awareness that needed to be maintained if she was going to get out of this conflict alive, sane, and her own person.

Kylo took a step back, and Rey couldn't stop herself as she released the breath she didn't even know she'd been holding. She heard Kylo chuckle from behind her and whirled around, angry words on the tip of her tongue – only to realize that he was reading the title of the book, laughing at it and not her. " _Theories and Queries on the Fall of the Jedi Order,_ " he read out loud. "Well, I can tell you why they fell without even needing to read this and the reason contains only two words: Jedi Code." His lips were twisted upwards in a smirk as he thumbed through the pages, stopping here and there to read the title of a new chapter as it passed beneath his fingers.

Feeling her hackles rise, Rey snapped at Kylo, her tone harsh. "Well, aren't you biased on that topic, Kylo Ren, _darksider_? Of course you would blame the Jedi Code, as a Sith adherent."

Kylo snapped the cover of the book closed and clutched it between both of his hands, his knuckles turning white with the force of his grip. Then he took a deep breath, and relaxed his hands, confusing Rey. She had never really seen him stop himself from a tantrum, and she'd been worried she'd have to make a quick exit from the room. "Don't be so quick to assume that the Knights of Ren were Sith, Rey," he stated calmly. Yet his eyes were not calm in the least. The intelligence and calculation she saw within them was in turns both eerie and captivating. Before she could contemplate what he meant by that, he continued, and so she shelved the thought to ponder over later. "Plus, are you not also biased, having known nothing other than the Jedi Code through your training with Luke Skywalker, Last of the _Jedi_?"

Rey paused at that. He… had a point, much as she was loath to admit it. Not that she would ascribe to Sith teachings, even if she knew what they were, but –

"You don't even know what the Code of the Sith teaches, do you?" he asked, his voice oddly… _understanding_.

Rey shook her head mutely, not willing to voice her ignorance out loud. She had always prided herself on being able to look at things objectively, and yet here she was, ascribing to a path – even if she _had_ been feeling uneasy with certain aspects of it of late – without knowing all of her options. The change in the status of her independence was vaguely nauseating, and she couldn't help but feel disappointed in herself.

Kylo kept his eyes on her face as he recited the words from memory. The thought didn't even cross his mind to keep his voice down, and Rey wondered idly if the guards could hear him through the open door. The droids had wandered off earlier, but…

" _Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me._ " Kylo paused a moment and studied her face for any reaction, though Rey continued to keep her face neutral and their bond shut, as best she could. "Admittedly, there are some problems with it, but… it's something to think on, Rey."

Rey took a step back and turned away, towards the open door to his room. "It is," she admitted softly, knowing he'd be able to hear her just fine. "It definitely is, at that." She looked over her shoulder at him, pushing the words aside to dwell on later – and she would; oh _yes_ she would. Even if she felt more in tune with the Jedi Code, knowledge was everything to her. Knowledge had _always_ been everything to her; ensuring her survival through more than a decade of near servitude to the lifeless planet of Jakku. Knowledge had been everything and she had _just let that go_. She had just taken everyone at their word when she'd encountered them, swept away in _their_ adventure, and she was horrified at herself. But… for now she didn't want to think about it. It could wait until she was alone. It _needed_ to wait until she was alone. Kylo Ren took up too much of her attention; she needed all of her concentration to manage him.

"Come, let's go outside and train a little. I'm sure you'd like that, no?" She kept her voice neutral, though commanding, as she made her way out the door. She didn't need to look back to know he was following close behind her – she just _knew_. It was disturbing, again, but she would much rather have the knowledge than not. She vowed to herself not to get complacent about knowledge ever again – it could mean her life, one day.

* * *

"Rey. Rey, stop." Kylo's voice called out to her and she froze in the middle of one of her saber sequences.

"What?" she growled, not turning around to look at him. She was frustrated at herself, at him, at her saber – at _everything ._ She just couldn't seem to get anything right.

She heard him get up from where he'd been leaning back against a tree, sitting on the ground to watch her practice. He moved closer towards her, and she held herself still, waiting to see what he would do or say next.

"That form is all wrong for you. You're… it's just not _right_ ," he said, frustrated right alongside of her. Even without the bond open between them, they were both mirroring each other so much that Rey was nearly startled at how much Kylo was sounding like _her_ in that moment.

"This is the one that Master Luke says is the best fit for me, though. All the others –" she started to protest, turning around.

He cut her off with an incredulous look and exclamation. "What, you mean this is the best fit of _all_ the saber forms he's been teaching you? _Kriff_ , doesn't the old fool know when to stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole? For that matter – what the _fuck_ was he doing trying to tell _you_ what form would work best for _you_? As a Master he's supposed to be showing you all of the forms and then letting _you_ choose which you want to focus on first. _Kriffing amazing_ ," he finished with a mutter, though passionate anger still laced his voice.

Rey felt herself bristling. "He's doing his best! There's just something… something _wrong_ with me. I can't seem to get them right. Maybe it's cause I started so la–"

"No," he cut her off again. "No, it's nothing _you_ did wrong." He looked angry. "Just… sometimes people can be really stubborn. Or maybe he's just that blind – I don't know." He sighed, and then his tone took on an instructive note. "Look, just humor me and try something for me... okay?"

A half hour later, Rey dropped to the ground, dripping with sweat, but grinning. "That… that felt _great_ ," she exclaimed, happy that she had finally felt truly _free_ while flowing through a form. It no longer felt clunky or put-together, like the other forms had felt, and she hadn't had to rely on falling into battle meditation to achieve that feeling. "What was it? What made that different?" she queried, looking up at Kylo, who was nearly as sweaty as she was. He'd been demonstrating the technique for her, even though his body was not quite properly healed.

He settled down beside her, a couple feet away, and stretched his arm across his body to loosen the muscles. "It was a… variation of the form you were trying to use before." The way he said it made Rey sure of exactly where the variation had come from, but she couldn't care less at the moment. The Force had felt _right_ as she had moved through the sequences. "It… look. At its most basic, Luke was trying to teach you to push aside your emotions and become flat, like the surface of the ocean when there is no wind or current. Still; flat. That works for some people. For a lot of Jedi. But you… you're _different_. And Luke was trying to force you into something that wasn't right for you, your body, or your mind. He wasn't respecting your unique abilities – not like I –" He cut himself off abruptly, his mouth moving but no words coming out. "Not like I would," he finished softly, looking her in the eye.

He opened the bond enough for her to feel his conviction, and she was forced to look away from his gaze. She didn't quite know what to make of that statement, and instead chose to leave it be. She seemed to be doing a lot of that these days.

"Anyway," he continued after a moment, and she returned to looking at him again. He kept the bond open so that she could feel his emotions as he spoke, and she kept at least part of her awareness focused on it, and another part on his words. "The variation I just showed you allows you to tap into some of the emotions you experience. Instead of letting them distract you, you funnel the emotions into something useable – you felt it, didn't you?" She nodded. "Good. I noticed. It works well for you. You're an emotional being, Rey, and you need to accept that. Like I had to. I… What Luke tried to teach me wasn't the right fit for me, either," he admitted softly.

Rey felt a near overwhelming amount of bitterness make its way through their connection before it was quickly shoved aside, replaced with passion. Her head nearly reeled at the abrupt course change. "But you… you've experienced battle meditation, haven't you?" The passion and insatiable curiosity flowing from him to her was almost as consuming as the bitterness had been.

She blinked. "Well… yes. I think? That's what Master Luke told me, anyway. That when I get really deep into my forms sometimes something just clicks. He said that was battle meditation. Is that what you mean?"

Kylo shook his head. "No. No, again Luke is wrong. There's so much that he could learn if he would just _open_ his mind," he groaned. His voice took on a dangerous hint, the anger mirrored in a glint in his eye and broadcasting so clearly across the bond that she felt herself start to get riled up. She clenched her fists in an effort to calm herself down. "Maybe he's just scared of what you can do if he shows you everything that you _could_ be. Maybe he's afraid of that much power in one person's hands. That man is so _fucking_ damaged and –" He cut himself off, shaking his head, and when he spoke again his voice was softer; more instructive. "Never mind. No, I've seen what you're describing. You were just doing it. It's a lead up _to_ battle meditation, but what you were doing just now is what I guess you could call a battle _trance_. You become one with the Force in a way that not all Jedi – or Sith – can accomplish. Even fewer can manipulate others through the Force within the sphere of combat – take away their will and make them easier to cut down; demoralize them to the point of incapacitation. You've done as much, haven't you?" He asked, seeing her grimace at his words.

"I…" She didn't know if she wanted to admit what had occurred during the battle with the Knights the other evening. But his gaze and body posture was so unthreatening, and the high of her accomplishment with the saber form was still coursing through her body, and she just couldn't find a reason not to share. Some things just seemed easier to share with this man, despite the fact that he was supposed to be her greatest enemy.

"I have," she admitted, chin tilting up. She refused to feel ashamed for doing something necessary to survive. However, she felt nothing but reassurance and pride and gentle _interest_ through their bond, and this made her relax even further. He looked at her, and she looked at him, and she could see those same emotions filtering through his eyes, though the rest of his features were mostly blank. All of this, oddly enough, made her feel reassured… connected with him in a way that she hadn't before… as if he understood her. And he _could_. He had the tools to do so, and so did she, if they would just let each other. She could see into his mind, and he was right – he _was_ an emotional being, even if it was often hard to see from an outside perspective. She knew, realistically, that she should be scared of this connection between them – of what it could mean for them in the future and on a personal level – but she honestly could not summon even a trace amount of fear at the thought. She would just have to trust herself – and even trust him, at least a little. Perhaps it was telling in and of itself that she no longer feared him or their bond the way that everyone had told her she should be afraid; the way that everyone had told her, even she herself, that she should be afraid of him.

Struggling with the intimacy of her own emotions, and the way she was suddenly completely conflicted, she spoke to break the tension. "It was the night your… the… um." She didn't know how to complete the sentence without reminding him of everything he'd lost.

"The night that the Knights of Ren came," he finished for her. "To kill me." He abruptly cut off the bond and she was unable to sense what he was feeling. She felt… empty. Her eyes darted to his, but he looked away, not meeting her gaze. "You used it on one of the Knights?"

"Yes," she answered quietly, not quite knowing what else to say. "I'm… sorry."

"Don't be," he replied harshly, getting to his feet. "They mean nothing to me." Rey couldn't help but feel that he was lying to her – if not also lying to himself. She didn't need the bond to be open to see that. However, she chose not to push the issue. She had no idea what to say to Kylo that wouldn't come across as cold, unfeeling or simply _trite_ , so she held her tongue, choosing to leave the topic for another day – if _ever_.

Kylo offered her his hand, standing above her, and all she could do was stare at it. She wondered what he was trying to do, if anything. Could she be looking too much into his every action?

"Well?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her beneath the sweep of his black bangs. She swallowed, praying that he wouldn't notice.

No such luck. She noticed the corners of his lips twitching and his gaze sharpening.

Clamping down tightly on her end of the bond so as not to let anything escape, Rey reached up and grabbed his hand, letting him pull her to her feet. She dropped his hand as quickly as she could, trying – and succeeding, thank goodness – not to shake her hand from the tingling that had settled into her nerves from the contact of his hot, dry skin against hers.

She clipped her saber to her belt and started back towards the base, raising her voice slightly. "Well? Are you coming? It's nearly time for dinner already and I'm _starving_!" She wasn't sure if he was buying her nonchalance, but she sure as heck had to try.


	15. Chapter 15

The oscillator was so dark that she could barely see anything. She wasn't sure if it was the damage from the X-Wing's bombing runs, or if they had just built it that way, but it was entirely inconvenient. Yet… there seemed to be no problem with the lighting in the center of the oscillator, where the walkway crossed the immense open space, and Han Solo was confronting Kylo Ren. She looked behind her – ah, the light was coming from the hatch she had just opened.

"Take off that mask. You don't need it," Han said, stepping closer.

Rey wanted to shout – she wanted to do _anything_ besides stand there as Han walked closer towards the _monster_ that was Kylo Ren.

"What do you think you'll see if I do?" came Kylo Ren's modulated voice. Rey wasn't sure why she could hear everything so clearly, but there was a certain sense of gravitas to the entire scene, that just seemed to inspire silence in everything around them.

"The face of my son," Han replied.

Rey and Finn both startled at that.

 _His son?_ Kylo Ren was his _son_?

Kylo Ren reached up and removed his mask, and Han looked completely startled. Rey had seen the face before, but she was still just as struck as before by how _young_ he looked compared to what she expected.

"Your son is gone," Kylo Ren replied, voice clear and deep, unchanged by the voice modulator of his mask. "He was weak and foolish like his father. So I destroyed him."

"That's what Snoke wants you to believe but it's not true. My son is alive."

Slowly, near-complete darkness overtook the room, casting long shadows across the individuals at play. It seemed entirely inauspicious and Rey was _terrified_. She'd never felt so scared before in her life.

"No," Kylo Ren stated firmly. "The Supreme Leader is wise."

Han moved closer, his face and voice becoming firmer; sterner. "Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you – you know it's true."

Kylo Ren hesitated – just for a moment. But it was enough that Rey was struck with the feeling that somehow – _some way_ – Kylo Ren _did_ know that this was true. Her heart clenched with the oddest feeling… was that _compassion_ for the monster before her?

"It's too late," Kylo Ren said, and Rey felt her heart filling with despair, for him, for Han, for Leia… for the circumstances of Kylo Ren's life that must have brought him to this point.

"No, it's not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you," Han plead.

Kylo Ren froze, tears flooding his eyes. He seemed truly conflicted, and Rey was being consumed with compassion and heart-wrenching sadness at the sight before her eyes; at the pain that filled his voice. "I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain."

Rey clenched her eyes shut, desperate to stop tears from falling from her own eyes. When she opened them again, darkness had settled even further upon the planet, and the oscillator was barely lit by emergency lights shining from the walls, and a thin beam of sunlight struggling to make its way inside.

Kylo Ren spoke again, his voice as filled with pain as before. "I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?"

"Yes. Anything," Han replied fervently.

Rey was struck with a feeling – a premonition, perhaps – of fear and pain and loathing, and she wanted to scream at Han to run away, to never look back, but her throat was locked up and she couldn't get anything past her lips. She stared in wide-eyed horror as Kylo Ren unholstered his lightsaber and extended it halfway between him and his father.

Han could only stare at the lightsaber in front of him, as if he couldn't quite believe what was happening. Was he surprised that his son was handing his lightsaber over so easily? Or was there more to it than that? Was there a deeper meaning to this scene?

Perhaps Kylo Ren was asking something more of his father, and Han was trying to work up the courage to accept that 'something more'…?

Suddenly, the last ray of sunlight falling through the hatch disappeared, bathing the room in complete darkness. There was barely any light to see by, but there was enough that Rey could see the moment that Kylo Ren's eyes hardened. He clenched his hand around his lightsaber, igniting it, and shoving it through his father's chest.

Rey looked down at the feeling of searing agony against her breastbone. There was the blade of a red lightsaber sticking through her, and she could only look up in shock at the visage of Kylo Ren above her. She was so confused. Moments ago, she'd been at the hatch, on the catwalk above… She looked up at the catwalk and saw Finn and… _herself_.

What –

"Thank you," he spoke softly, almost reverently. He was grateful for her sacrifice.

Turning her head back to Kylo Ren, Rey lifted up a hand, as if to caress his cheek, her eyes wide, but she couldn't quite gather the strength to connect with his flesh. She felt her life slowly draining from her… much slower than she had expected.

Kylo Ren extinguished his lightsaber as he lowered Rey down against the walkway. She jerked away from him, overbalancing, and suddenly she was falling – falling into the depths of the oscillator. She couldn't scream, though she wanted to – all she could do was close her eyes…

* * *

Rey woke, shooting straight up in bed, gasping for air, only to let loose a blood-curdling scream from the depths of her soul. She couldn't stop herself; she was barely aware of her surroundings. She only knew that she'd been having a nightmare, that she was awake now, that there was a chiming sound coming from her doorway, and that she couldn't _stop_.

Rey just sat there amongst her tangled sheets, trying to quell the terror that was threatening to consume her. Her scream finally petered out into a series of gasping sobs.

Finally the chiming stopped, only to be immediately taken up by a pounding on her door. "Rey? Rey!" came the muffled sound of someone's voice – was that _Kylo_?

Rey jumped out of bed, glancing quickly at the chronometer – it was four in the morning, long before her alarm was due to wake her – and grabbing a robe from the back of her 'fresher door. She flung it around herself, tying it tightly to cover the single sleep shirt that she had been sleeping in.

Striding towards the door, she placed her palm over the opening mechanism, only to realize – too late – that her hair was down and in complete disarray, strands of hair sticking out every which way, and some even sticking to her sweaty face and neck. She must look a _sight_. She sighed – well, it was too late now.

The door was already opening.

Kylo Ren stood just outside of her door in the hallway, looking just as sleep-tousled. He was barefoot, with no shirt on, and looked as if he were, in turns, about to rip something to shreds, or about to start crying.

Rey was brought up short at the sight of the raw emotion on his face, reflecting everything she was feeling inside. All she could do was stare, and all he seemed able to do was stare right back.

Finally, Rey stepped aside, wordlessly allowing him entrance to her room. The door hissed shut behind him as he moved past her. He turned towards her, finally breaking the silence. "You were having a nightmare," he stated gruffly, staring intently into her face from a few feet away.

Rey was startled for a moment, but quickly realized that her mental walls must have come down during the night, or at least during her nightmare. "I – I know. I was dreaming about –"

"I saw," he interrupted harshly, his face regaining the look that heralded imminent destruction of anything or anyone nearby. But, all of a sudden, he blinked – once, then a second time. His voice softened as he repeated himself, "I saw."

Silence descended over them once again, charged but also awkward. She stared up at Kylo's face, trying to make sense of what he was feeling. He'd seen her dream? He knew what she'd been dreaming about? It made a certain amount of sense, as he'd seen her dream that previous time… So that meant that…

Rey, grabbing hold of an opportunity to ask something that she'd been pondering for the last year, blurted out: "Why did you do it?

Kylo stilled, his expression going completely blank. "Why did I do what?" He and Rey both knew exactly what she'd meant. He still asked, as if to prolong the time before he'd have to answer.

"Why did you kill Han? Why did you kill your _father_?"

Rey was ready to dart forward when Kylo made his way towards the door. He'd known the question was coming, she was sure, yet had still somehow waited for her to actually _ask_ it.

She reached out and grabbed his wrist, exerting enough strength to whip him around to face her once more. He overbalanced slightly, and had to take a step towards her to stop himself from falling forward. This brought him toe to toe with Rey, but Rey didn't step back. To back down now – to show any weakness – would lose her any chance of getting an answer about this from him. And she wanted this answer. She needed to know why he'd killed his father, especially… especially with their bond and their unlikely connection of late. There was something about him that sparked her curiosity – and much _more_ , her mind reminded her – and she wanted to _understand_ him.

Instead of backing down, she stood up close and personal with Kylo Ren, staring up into his closed-off face, his arm caught between their bodies by her hand.

"You owe me an answer," Rey asserted.

She could feel Kylo tugging at his hand, and his eyes widened slightly as he realized that Rey was a lot stronger than she looked. They both knew that he could escape her grip if he wanted to, but it would cost them both a lot.

"I don't owe you anything," Kylo ground out from behind his expressionless mask, his body still as a statue except for the slow rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathed.

Rey simply stared at him. She couldn't sense anything from his side of the bond; he'd obviously shut his end down even tighter than normal, just as she had done as soon as she had woken up and realized who was at her door.

Silence settled over them. Finally, Kylo blinked and looked away from her briefly, before returning his eyes to settle somewhere on the top of her head.

He couldn't meet her eyes.

"He was an enemy combatant, trying to sabotage my base. I was tasked with its protection, and I took out someone who was deliberately placing bombs in an attempt to destroy everything the First Order – I – had worked towards." Rey noticed the hesitation. Was he starting to consider himself as separate from the First Order finally? If so, that was a huge step forward.

But first… there was something more going on. Something else he was hesitating over. He hadn't met her eyes for the entire answer, and that didn't sit right with her.

There was a certain lack of conviction to his answer.

She narrowed her eyes up at him, and he flinched as if he could feel her eyes boring into him. "There's more to it than that. Yes, even I'll admit that he was an enemy combatant, as you so put it. There's no doubt about that. He – _we_ – were in your base, trying to blow it up. There's a certain amount of truth in that. But –" She reached her free hand up and gripped his chin with it, trying to get him to look at her. He reluctantly met her eyes, and she was momentarily transfixed by the pain she saw in his eyes. She was reminded of the nightmare, when she had seen his eyes fill with tear and conflict… "But," she continued shakily. "There's more to it than that. What else is there to it, Kylo Ren? Why did you kill your father, Han Solo?"

His eyes flashed with anger and he jerked his chin out of her hand. Rey let him, waiting patiently for him to answer her.

"I thought it would help! You – I – you wouldn't understand!" he growled, finally wrenching his wrist out of her grasp and throwing himself away from her. He stalked towards the door, but before he could place his palm on the opening mechanism, Rey spoke up.

"Maybe I would, if you just tried to explain it," she murmured softly, contemplatively. He had given her a lot to think of, even with that short answer. She continued quickly, before he could say anything else. "Since you're up already, be ready for some training outdoors in an hour's time."

He nodded swiftly, slammed his palm against the mechanism, and practically fled from her room.

What had he meant by he'd 'thought it would help'? Had the conflict she'd seen in him in the oscillator been him caught between the Light and the Dark? Had he killed his father as a sort of way to prove to himself – or to Snoke – that he was dedicated to the Dark?

These thoughts and more flew through her mind as she turned to the 'fresher to get ready. There was no way she'd be able to make sense of his half-answer without more information from him on the subject. He _had_ been correct in saying that Han was an enemy combatant – in war there were always casualties, and Rey felt it was supremely immature for one party to blame another warring party in such a _personal_ way for the death of a soldier.

He had been Kylo's father, but…

Rey shook her head. That train of thought would only lead to madness until she had more of an understanding of what Kylo had meant. Rubbing at the tingling spot on her palm – the one she'd used to grip Kylo's wrist – Rey shoved the matter aside for the moment and instead focused on what she could ask him next about the saber techniques he'd been showing her.

* * *

Luke stood outside, just after dawn, watching the way that his padawan leaned in towards his nephew, Ben – no. He was Kylo Ren, through and through, and he needed to keep thinking of him that way, for his own sanity if nothing else.

He twisted his lips as he observed their interactions. There was something… _soft_ , about the way that Kylo Ren held himself around Rey, as if she were worthy of his interest and attention, and he didn't wish to scare her off.

Luke wasn't entirely sure it wasn't an act. He also wasn't sure if it would bother him more if it were an act or… real. He knew Kylo Ren was manipulative, but was he that great of an actor?

Certainly their bond must have something to do with it. The bond still troubled him, but there was nothing he could do about it – and that, more than anything else, frustrated him. He hadn't been able to protect his previous padawans from Kylo Ren – even Ben, himself, he mused bitterly – and now, here he was, falling into the same pattern as before, not able to protect his latest padawan from the clutches of Kylo Ren.

Yet, if he interfered, he risked pushing her away even quicker than if he just stood back and watched. Leia was right; he couldn't involve himself as closely as he wished to, instinctively. She was in a delicate spot… but Rey also had a point as well. Perhaps… perhaps she could reach through to Kylo Ren where no one else could. The bond worked both ways. He would provide her with as much support as he could himself, and hope that her friends could assist as well, while hoping that she could counter the dark influence Kylo Ren exerted in turn. Some good could come out of this situation, after all, he hoped.

He sighed, watching as Kylo Ren corrected Rey's stance. She was learning the Form quickly and easily – a Form he desperately wished that Kylo Ren hadn't taught her, but he could do little about now. Although, he did admire the way that she flowed through its sequences, all grace, poise, and power. She would certainly be a force to be reckoned with in the future – even now, she was – and Luke could only hope that she would use that power for good. He'd wanted her to keep away from that Form as it was heavily based in emotion, but even he couldn't deny that it was entirely too well-suited for her.

His breath caught as Rey stumbled forward, only to be caught around the waist by Kylo Ren. Luke held his breath as Rey stared up at Kylo Ren where she was pulled against him, hands clutching the saber that she had hurriedly deactivated. Moments later, she sprung away from the taller man, turning her back on him and activating the saber again, calling out loudly, in a strong and clear voice, "I can do this!"

Luke let the air out of his lungs in a rush, shaking his head as his eyebrows furrowed. Well then. _That_ was definitely trouble. He didn't dare set foot in the middle of that; not yet, at least. Not until he observed some more. He wasn't sure if Rey realized how Kylo Ren was looking at her, or acting towards her, and he wasn't sure if Kylo Ren was even doing it on purpose, but… Well. He would just have to keep an eye on that. There was no use warning Rey about it yet, and even if something happened where Kylo Ren tried to do anything with her… she was a strong woman who could look after herself. Plus, he didn't really think that Kylo Ren would do anything to scare off the only one who seemed to actually _care_ about him.

At the very least, he would be sure to talk to Rey soon about the Form, and about being careful with its use.

She needed to be warned.

All of a sudden, the roaring of engines filled the sky around them. It was the sound of a shuttle breaking into the atmosphere above the base. Luke watched as Kylo Ren and Rey both looked to the sky, and then shrugged before settling back into their training. Shuttles were expected here, if not regular occurrences, but Luke knew this one was special.

He turned and made his way towards the runway, smiling softly once he caught sight of his sister, standing at the edge of the tarmac.

"Luke," she greeted him warmly. She was dressed for space travel, with luggage at her side. A few of her aides stood nearby, conversing quietly amongst themselves.

"Leia," he returned, bending slightly to give her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll miss you."

"I know," she replied with a smile. "But maybe if _someone_ hadn't run off into self-imposed exile, we would have had more time recently to spend with each other."

Luke huffed at her. He knew it was in good fun, though he couldn't help the small twinge of bitterness he felt deep within him. "I wish you luck with the tribunal."

Leia's lips twisted as she fought off a scowl. "Thanks," was all she could manage to say.

Finally, the shuttle doors open, and Finn and Poe Dameron step down the ramp. They both have big smiles on their face, obviously happy to see his sister. Luke had only met them a few times, but it was just enough to have developed a certain fondness for the pair.

"General!" They both saluted Leia once they arrived in front of her. "Your orders, ma'am?" Poe continued.

"Well, first off; at ease, soldiers," she grinned right back at them. Leia had always had a way to inspire loyalty amongst her troops, and Luke wasn't entirely unconvinced that it had nothing to do with the Force.

"Yes ma'am," Finn replied as he and Poe both relaxed, flashing tender smiles at each other with a quick sideways glance.

"Thanks for coming on such short notice," Leia continued. "Luke here," she gestured at her brother, "Will fill you in on the details of everything a little later after you settle in, but suffice it to say that your presence here is needed. Rey's here and we want you to help her with something special. For now though, I need to get on that shuttle!" Leia pointed at the pilot who was waving at her from the ramp, indicating that he'd already refueled. "Timings are tight, and I'm expected."

Leia reached forward and hugged Poe and Finn, one after the other. "Make sure Luke brings you to the right room – I had one arranged for you both to share." She winked at them as they sputtered out half-hearted protests. "Oh come off it, mothers always know." She froze all of a sudden at her choice of words, and then pulled back and absentmindedly patted Finn's cheek.

Luke pulled her towards him, wrapping Leia in a hug and then drawing back to plant a kiss on first one cheek, then the other. "Be wary and ever vigilant, sister. I wish you wellness and luck. You'll need it."

Leia squeeze him tightly once more before stepping back and waving at her aides to start boarding the shuttle. "I certainly will, won't I?" she replied solemnly. "I'll contact you as I can, and as soon as anything – _anything_ – important is said or decided. You do the same, okay?"

Luke nodded. "May the Force be with you, Leia."

"And with you, Luke." Leia flashed him a smile as she turned around and boarded the shuttle, and he stood by and watched with the two younger men as it took off with a roar.

Turning towards Finn and Poe, Luke smiled companionably. "Well, let's get you settled. One room, did she say?" He laughed, waving off their stammered protests. "I was in exile – it didn't mean I grew up with my head in the sand!"

He chose to ignore Poe's joking whisper to Finn behind him. "I thought he grew up on Tatooine, though. Everything's sand there!"

He was just happy to hear someone laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! So I am now all caught up with posting the original chapters of this story; the ones written before I was hacked. I won't be continuing this right away because I am quite busy at the moment! But I definitely will continue this. :) Thank you so much for reading, and also for commenting! You all have brightened my days phenomenally. I will be responding to your comments (finally!) once I've finished updating the remaining chapters of Codega, but know I've read every last one with great joy. *heart* Thank you! And see you soon! xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> I had a rough weekend with pain and other major difficulties, so I wanted to have a little happiness and normalcy in my life by posting five updates today, since at least I can do it from the comfort of my bed! I know it's a lot and probably not the most productive way to get new readers and the like, but it makes me feel better, and that's what counts, eh?
> 
> The new chapters today are for [Behind Closed Doors](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10501896/chapters/23170731), [Codega](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10470729/chapters/23104614), this (Gradations), [Delicious Ambiguity](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10534218/chapters/23257959), and for [Mitzvah](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10610625/chapters/23463033).
> 
> Hope you don't mind. Much love to everyone. *hugs tightly and sends love to everyone*. Special love to my husband, my daddy and to Perry Downing for helping me over the last four days. Love you. So _very_ much.


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